You…

We will know each other all of 7 hours in a lifetime that spans 657,450. Yet you will leave an indelible mark which will be part of the visceral menagerie flashing before my eyes for years. I will be just another guy and you will be a flower at its most perfect moment. I didn’t expect more than one night but the impact on each other will without question be very different. Under the right circumstances, you would visit again. But they won’t be as I want more for less.

Random people come in to our lives when we need them most as if a higher power says, “be joyous, be playful, be free of worldy concerns. Meld together for a brief moment, enjoy the fullness of each other’s innate gifts”.

Your sparkling eyes, your vibrancy and your lack of hesitancy were most alluring. I won’t deny your petite frame, beautiful features and long, dark hair completed the inescapable grasp you had on me. I dreamt of you many nights before and after.

I have lived almost an extra life in chronological time vs. you. What I didn’t tell you is that what I have seen should be spread over multiple lifespans if only to lessen the pain. Heavy burdens of the soul are the last thing I wanted to share with you. There was no need.

The Chinese have a saying, 我吃了很多苦 (Wo chi le hen duo ku or I have eaten a lot of bitter).* In recent memory aka my not too past life, there were days when not a molecule of sweetness touched my lips. Our slow, drawn out kisses, however, reminded me there is so much sweetness to be shared with future lovers. My taste is re-acclimating to a life worth engaging in no holds barred. In turn, I am losing the urge to say this life isn’t precious without my deceased wife; a welcomed and necessary transition.

As I grow older, the lessons of impermanence come harder and faster and they sting a bit more deeply. Hopefully it is a sign of my aspirational compassion for all things. Yet if I pick the right moments or fate picks them for me with the very right people, time stops and I am blessed.

We will never see each other again and that has to be ok. But for a night, we were a force of astonishment.

Image by Urban Wanderer.

*** Thanks to Fiona and Iona Tian from MandarinMadeEz for this phrase

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