Across The Universe
A true story.
There I was, my face turned upward to the sky, my back lying flat against the nylon ground. All was still, all was motionless. Memories of the 450 micrograms of LSD we had taken each, only a few hours before, now faded to the back of my mind. The night began with laughs, music, and the crazed, drug-induced feeling of weightlessness and joy. But the time for such musings had ended, and people had left. My best friend and I were the only ones remaining, and slowly we made our way to the trampoline resting in the backyard.
At first, we sat cross-legged, feeling the wind surround us, as the pulse of electricity that flowed through our veins was surging, retreating, and exchanging through the words we shared. The topic of conversation easily and effortlessly became one of life, its meaning, its bitters and sweets.
We found ourselves being compelled, almost magnetically, to the ground, and the Earth, with her grace, supported the metal posts, which in turn supported our now horizontal bodies. Fireflies peered from their homes in the trees, and the brave ones ventured to fly near us, almost in wonder.
Though recognizing the beauty around me, my eyes were in the blue ocean of a sky, and my mind was elsewhere, traveling through my memories, experiencing my own life, over and over again. I saw the good moments, I saw the bad ones. I saw a family, I saw people fending for themselves. I saw moments of joy, moments of freedom, and moments of fear. I saw the things I had done and the things that were done to me, and as a dewdrop on the grass, reflecting the sky above, a thought was beginning to form.
Was it worth it? Were the sleepless nights worth it? Was the fear worth it? Was the loneliness worth it? I began to wonder what had brought me to this moment in time, what had created and crafted the person who was lying on his back. Where was he headed, and what made the darkness worth it? Maybe it was only there to define the moon.
And my eyes, they were transfixed, motionless, on the canopy of stars in front of me. They were moving, dancing, creating kaleidoscopes and designs. They were performing for me, and I spoke to them, to make sure they knew they were appreciated.
A sound.
In the background of my mind and my occupied senses, I could hear a sound, one constant. And as I focused on it, I realized it was not just any sound.
It was music.
The Beatles were singing for me, speaking of endless rain into paper cups, slithering past me, as they made their way across the universe.
And when the identity of the song was known to me, then you came.
I could see her in the stars, dancing as she was. I could see her smile, her beautiful hair, and the eyes that held everything I had wanted. I could see her body, its curves, and rifts, lacking the clothing that I so playfully hated. She was laughing, and my memories of her rushed to the surface. Of course, I hadn’t known her that long, we were certainly very different people.
But the messages from the cosmos, with a smirk, were telling a different story.
And I knew she loved me. I knew she had always loved me, over thousands of years, over hundreds of lifetimes, remembering all the people I had been, she was the only thing that remained the same, and did not die with our old stories. She was always mine, I was always hers. There was never a moment in my existence when I was not with her, or when I was not seeking her. And for the first time in these shoes, in these eyes, I found, for another one of countless times, that I loved her.
And suddenly I knew the answer to my question. What made the darkness worth it? What defined the Moon?
She did. She made it worth it.
And for that night, and for that sunrise, I saw into the ripples on the pond of time. All the times we would argue, all the times we would love, all the good days, the bad days, the tears, the echoes that rang through that night. I saw the moments I would regret, the things I shouldn’t have said. I saw her guilt for the times I was hurt, and I saw my own. The anger, the tenderness, the love I felt, rushed over me all at once. I saw her leave me, I saw her return. And through the joy and the doubt, my love remained the same, regardless of my own shortcomings. I saw myself writing this, the brokenness caused by her absence filling the words.
So as I laid there with my friend, staring at the stars, trillions of molecules of LSD dancing in my head, I fell in love. And I knew that even if I lost her, I wouldn’t be bothered.
