Changing Colors
Losing myself
Our identity is like a chameleon.
It changes color, transforming to suit the conditions and needs, so that it is protected, liked, and befriended.
It changes itself so that we are liked by the different persons that we meet every day.
We are afraid, that if we show them our true colors, our real selves, they will not like us.
We want to impress them, we want to be accepted as one among them - cool, helpful, useful…
But in this process, we fail to accept ourselves.
We deny our true identity, taking up a different one in front of each person in our lives.
In front of my mother, I have to be her perfect, loving, obedient daughter.
In front of my classmates, I have to be a cool, similar, and ordinary person with kindred likes, so that they see me as acceptable, useful and befriend me.
In front of each friend, in front of each of the people in my life, I am a different person, who changes her identity so that I impress them, maintain their comradeship, and desperately hide my real self behind my false identities and personalities, because, I am afraid that if they see the real me, they might leave me.
They might be disgusted, or filled with a sense of dislike; they might leave me all alone, and I may be the geek in the crowd.
But in the changing my identity frequently, by behaving like a different person all the time, I am losing myself.
No longer do I remember who I am.
I have been so engrossed in impressing others, getting them to like and accept me, that I have failed myself.
I have deserted me.
I have lost me.
