Missing the Blur of Movements
Young Minds of Medium Missed Things Call
Only amidst the chaos did I realize that the day we used to blindly curse the boredom that interlaces its existence was a blessing in its purest form.
Confined to our houses, chained by the will to not cause any harm to the people we love, robbed of a friend's pat on the back, an embarrassing incident in which our laughter echoes so loudly even after we stop, a hug that brushes off our anxiety.
In the silence of movements, we're left alone with our thoughts. We've got the lengthiest periods of time to think. And then perhaps think some more. And then for a person like me, another chance of time for my mind to twist the words as it pleases. Ponder over every syllable. Rummage through its past choices, double-checking for mistakes. Analyze the people surrounding and do they give as much as they take? What's mine in the baggage I'm usually wearing on my shoulders? what's theirs?
Sometimes I miss the silence I sought in the loud blur of actions around me. It's quite a scary time without the voices that bring you reassurance.
It’s even more frightening without my best friend’s presence to guide me through my slightest moves and tiniest choices. She’s the most I miss of all that. Her hugs . . . The comfort she incredibly always carries that silences my chaos. The way loving seems so easy around her and forgiving comes as a second skin. She’s the most imperfectly perfect person I’ve grown accustomed to, being apart for long doubles my anxiety, suffocates my every move and let’s be honest here, a virtual hug and a wave from the screen bring little to no satisfaction.
In the blink of an eye, we found chaos tipping off our universe's boat, and now we have to unite hand in hand, mind moving its gears with quick breaths — aching to bring normalcy back to our days.
Sometimes I break down when my parents have to go to work. For some people, life is a running tape that doesn't have a pause button, 'cause how are we gonna survive if we paused mid-step? I stand still as they make their way outside, heart chanting interminable prayers asking for their safety.
Another thing I miss most in this pandemic is that feeling of — safety. I miss the feeling of its voice soothing my heart in faint whispers. We're okay.
I know some might argue that even in normal days I should be doing the same thing because well you never know when havoc is going to knock but somehow this feels like more. Presses down on me more. Every day as I see the numbers rise, my breaths turn shallower, heavier.
It's a strange time.
What do I miss most during this pandemic?
I miss the normal we took for granted.
