You Betta Duck!
Nana’s house in the 1980s was the place to be. In southern/coastal Georgia, summers were hot and life was great. I spent many days with Nana while my mom worked — especially during those summers when money was tight and summer camp was a luxury. There was always something going on at Nana’s house and I loved being a fly on the wall to see it in action!
One Thursday afternoon, I knew it would be different. We had just come back home from Nana’s work — cleaning Mrs. Pierce’s house — and after we walked in the back door, she slammed it with a force I didn’t know she had. Instantly, I heard, “HARRY!!!” I knew something was wrong. When she slammed the door then yelled somebody’s name, you knew it was on!
“Yeah, Mama!” Strike 1. Who did this fool think he was talking to? Nana sat her purse down on the table so hard the salt shaker tipped and the sugar bowl rattled. “Get in this kitchen!” Uncle Harry shuffled down the hall but it seemed to take him much more time than normal. Nana started taking out pots to cook me some fried pork chops. They’re my favorite and I’m her favorite so it just makes sense!
When he finally appeared, he had his weights in hand and not a care on his mind. “Didn’t I tell you to have this kitchen cleaned before I got home?” Nana asked the question we all knew the answer to.
“Man, I was busy, mama…” Strike 2.
“Oh, we’ll see just how busy you are when you don’t…”
My Uncle Harry did the unthinkable— he smacked his lips and turned around to walk out the front door while Nana is in the middle of a sentence. Now, I have never seen the movie “The Exorcist” but the way my Nana’s eyes bulged and hands started shaking, I knew to get the heck out of the way!
Harry hit the screen door hard. Nana hit the counter hard. He grabbed the first rail on the porch. She grabbed the frying pan on the stove. He hit the first set of stairs. She hit the screen door. He turned to see that she was right behind him. He tried to put his football skills to work and ran down the cement stairs 2x2. She put her softball skills to use and tossed the frying pan — aiming for his head!
DING! The pan clocked him right in the back of the head! He tumbled down the last few steps and jumped up grabbing the spot where the impact happened. He turned and looked at her standing at the top of the stairs. Hands on her hips, knees back, feet turned in.
“What did you do that for?” He yelled. The blood was starting to trickle. Nana replied, “I done told you that you ain’t grown. You better always remember…what I got for you, you betta duck!”
Uncle Harry came back in and instantly started on the dishes. He and Nana didn’t say much of anything else that evening. The kitchen was spotless though and those were the best pork chops I’d ever had in my entire life.
