My Blog has officially Re-located!

My wordpress hosted blog has now moved to http://www.selenasmall.com/blog/ where I have split personal thoughts and technical articles in a site with more simplified navigation in order for me to continue using it as an experimentation with a variety of web technologies.

The evolution of my blog has now led to a site which I am hosting using the Amazon Web Services EC2 and Route 53 for domain management. The site is a collection of technical articles describing methods and skills which I have developed since beginning this journey. It will continue to evolve as I do, with more advanced and complex systems. It will never be complete.

Although my focus now is on new and more advanced technologies, I will continue to write about the rocky road I have walked along thus far, the mission to get noticed as a potentially amazing dev, how the stress of that mission takes its toll and the way it all fits with my day to day life and other ambitions.

I haven’t written anything for a while so it’s probably time for a fill in. Since my last post here in December, I have tried and failed a few times to accomplish what I thought was doable but is actually significantly advanced for someone like me. Another month from now, I will try again and likely succeed. I have also spent time identifying clear and reasonable goals for the year with what I thought were workable time frames. Thank goodness I have a background in managing unforeseeable circumstances and last minute problems otherwise, I would be a nervous wreck by now!

Most of the year so far has involved looking for opportunities and it would seem that I am quite good at finding opportunities that I am not eligible for or cannot commit to. In saying that, though, last week I took a chance and made contact with one of those potential opportunities to see if there’s any way around my unavailability to make a full commitment and it just so happens that if you don’t ask, you won’t get. I now have the opportunity to make contributions and learn about how systems that everyone uses every day works. And I can do it at whatever time that suits me! This is what I need. This is how I can get experience without having experience. And this has the flexibility to allow me to do the other things which are important in my life!

Right now, it seems things are going all too well… I have found the opportunity I just spoke about, I have something else top secret on the horizon, I have managed to fit in plenty of time for training because well, I have a competition in two weeks and I have secured a nice little trip away two weeks after that. I’m pretty excited about everything going on right now but I need to be careful cause to anyone else looking in, I’m not excited. I’m stressed out. I’m tired. I’m unhappy. And I’m over it. The reality is that I am all of those things, I’m incredibly run down and I’m trying to fit as much as possible into a small amount of time. But no matter what I do, I always end up in this predicament. I try to have fewer projects, I take on more hobbies. I try to have fewer hobbies, I take on more projects. I cannot seem to just sit still or be content in working towards only one thing at a time. I have perhaps too many goals, too many ambitions, and a strong desire to be successful at everything I attempt. Is that a bad thing? Well, yeah I think it can be. But at the same time, if I didn’t have that what would I have? If I didn’t have that I might as well just not bother to try and accomplish anything. If I didn’t have that what reason would I have to live?

Well, this post got real deep real fast. I do have a tendency to overthink everything. I’ve said it before and I’ll say it again… If I was a whole lot simpler, my life would be a whole lot easier! I should feel fortunate enough that that is not the case. And if things continue down this seemingly positive path then you’ll hear a lot more from me on my new blog at http://www.selenasmall.com/blog/

See you there!


Originally published at selenasmall.wordpress.com on March 12, 2016.