Is This Why We Don’t Talk About Infertility?

Pamela M Tsigdinos
A Different Perspective
4 min readFeb 26, 2016

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Humans don’t do well with emotional discomfort of any kind. This has been proven time and time again, but no more so than with infertility. It can be traumatizing on many levels, but I guess I didn’t realize how difficult an infertility diagnosis can be on other people.

They just do not want to see it, hear it or talk about it. They prefer to pretend it away.

Are you cured? Boy, I sure hope so because that means I can finally relax.

This universal sigh of relief was made abundantly evident in a post called The Magical Cure by Cristy. She gave me insight into an experience I never had: sharing news of a pregnancy.

The responses she encountered made me shake my head in disbelief (as did a few of the comments). Cristy writes:

All the sudden, those who were distant are actively trying to enter our lives, wanting to share in the excitement. Yet too often, this excitement is prefaced with people wanting to ignore the past, ignoring the scars that are still very visible. Worse yet are those who are quick to offer the ‘see, you just needed to do X’ or ‘it all worked out for the best.’

Don’t even get me started on the ‘G_d’s will/plan” explanations.

Avoidance or denial seems to be society’s preferred way of coping with infertility. You can just hear the thought bubbles forming overhead…

What? Instead of my perfected duck and run move you want me to try to understand this prolonged period of infertility uncertainty and loss? Use the experience watching a friend, family member or colleague confront a difficult diagnosis to reflect on how someone else might wanted to be treated? You mean you want me to be an adult about it?

Well, yes actually, that would be a nice change of pace.

It made me wonder how emotional-avoidance people manage with other hard-to-process information or unpleasant realities. Apparently, this “pretend the infertility away” syndrome doesn’t just happen when pregnancy occurs, the pattern repeats itself as evidenced by another infertility blogger who commented about the radical behavior change she witnessed following an adoption.

Since bringing Cheeks home, I have been AMAZED at the people

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Pamela M Tsigdinos
A Different Perspective

Writer and advocate. Published in The New York Times, San Francisco Chronicle, WIRED, Fortune, Reno Gazette Journal, Nevada Current http://tinyurl.com/4kwypjtm