Back in the grind? Back to the drawing board? Starting at square one? I can’t count the amount of times I have faltered on my agreements, beat myself up about it, and then attempted to try again only to have the cycle repeat itself a couple of weeks later.

I am not quite sure if this is the status quo for most people. After having met some cross-fitters and working out with them for the later half of 2013, I hoped seeing their tenacity and consistency would rid me of my self-inflicted flakiness, but instead it has just made me more aware of how many unfinished projects, half-baked ideas, and unrequited agreements I have left in the wake of my short time here.

Such is the case this morning. I spent the better part of yesterday lamenting the month that had passed without a legitimate workout regimen. I proceeded to write out a pretty reasonable workout plan that takes into account everyday for this week, so that I can be sure I have something to do everyday and therefore will hopefully get back into the swing of things. However, it is this morning that I again realized that I had made other agreements that are all fighting for my attention.

Queue Roster

Is it “Write five hundred words everyday” > “Practice Spanish” > “Wake up at 5am” > “Workout daily” > “Finish short story” > “Eat a respectable breakfast for once” > “Write new song” > “Learn how to cook a decent dinner”?

Re-audit Roster

Or is it “Workout daily” > “Write five hundred words” > “Brood about the list of things you have to do” > “Learn how to cook” > “Write a song” > “Practice Spanish” > “Wake up at 5am > “Eat a respectable breakfast for once”?

I know I am not unique in this regard. I think I am the type of person who, with a healthy dose of self-consciousness, feels everyday is a reminder that something really fucking awesome is happening around the world and I am most definitely not ceasing the moment at my optimum settings. For me and for right now, I am just trying to find solace in the fact that I can at least be somewhat of an adult for once in my life.

It’s moments like these that I wonder if this is simply part of my journey. I can’t remember a time when I was able to commit to anything for more than a couple of months. I have since learned that there is a cadre of words used in self-help books and in embarrassingly earnest conversations with motivational leaders that can be used to describe this condition. I say this as I am cognizant of the “Making Ideas Happen” book just to the right my immediate perspective. My current pejorative to describe my condition is a resounding “Pathologically Flaky”, and I wince at how harsh that looks when writing it down.