an awaiting

i am reaching a level of calm
before an inevitable explosion

i know my life
as this nothing that’s been said
kept down
always flying into oblivion
and now, and now, and now …

down alleyways on fairy queen overdrive
falling to wipe the snot from my nose
and the blood from my ass

calling out in desperation
having lost all faith in the constant movement which is my only hope

only my wings
only my plunges
only the incessant chatter of my skilllessfull brain

the pain alluding all attempts to be tamed

no one to hold me
no arms to encircle me
no cloud to enwomb me

i must be my own maternal comfort
growing through the roof
… my self like some vine
only to reach back down
losing my leaves as i reach the ground

one day she will come in shining panties
offering her breasts to pillow my soul
giving me suck to her calming milk

i should have seen it all coming