<generic label for this poem>

i am hammering at a wall of tears
pounding at the stricken laughter
my breath is ragged
and I am heaving in my sobs

hyperventilating at the hilarity of my shaking limbs
trolling the web to solitary manic moans
crying for dead comics i have never met

is it the emotional high
the salt lick of my snotty tears

why am i so drawn
a daily alarm
calling me to the drugs i must
a wounded mind
dragging me to the drugs i hide

a lover dropped from sight
a city draped in fear
the dust which clogs my soul
the friend who died while i did hide
behind locked doors

i intend to tear it down
i am not sure what hides behind
but i will break through

too bound in place
by my terrors
pinned to the seat
sobbing on the balcony
and on the bus

the time goes by but i remain
i will not splain contradiction
i can’t maintain my sanity
to sing my sorrows wrapped in pain
i curse the rhymes which i disdain