Putting yourself out there is terrifying.
Through this account (and others I’ve decided to make public), I’m putting my work out there for all to see. However clunky, badly-written, mistake-ridden, and full of holes it might be, it’s out there.
And it’s terrifying.
At the moment, I have something like 12 stories I’ve written and published in the last 3 months. They live on Medium and on my subreddit. I also have made an effort to post these blogs on my free Substack publication.
All of these stories have had varying degrees of success. Some did fantastically well, others did horribly (by relative standards). I try to make each one better than the last, but it’s inevitable that some will suck.
That’s what’s scary about it. The places I post my stories will mean at least 100 people will see them. That’s 100 pairs of eyes, 100 brains, and 100 judgments, assuming the number isn’t much higher.
Imagine standing in front of a crowd of 100 people, and they all hate what you’re saying. You know how people say their top fear is public speaking? I get it. You don’t have to do anything to die, and unless you do something extravagantly stupid, nobody will judge how you die. You can’t make mistakes when you die. You just die.
But, when you put yourself out there and open yourself up for feedback and criticism, you become vulnerable. People will point out your mistakes, many times publicly. Who wants that?
Who wants to be in front of a crowd of people that simultaneously find out you screwed something up? Most people would rather die than face that (and the road to ego recovery that follows).
That’s kind of how I feel every time I publish a story.
It’s not my first rodeo — I’ve published books in the past, though they were technical in nature. But every single time I post a story that I KNOW is going to be read and judged by so many people, I feel a mix of nervousness and anticipation. Mostly nervousness.
I’m nervous that the story isn’t as good as it sounds in my head.
I’m nervous that even if it reads well, it sucks.
I’m nervous I made a spelling mistake, or an inconsistency.
I’m nervous that I’m wasting my time writing, that I’m not learning anything, that my stories are not improving, and that nobody cares.
I put myself out there, and it’s terrifying. But I’m hoping it’ll be the beginning of something positive.
