A conversation with Carol
In the first scene, we are introduced to Carol having dinner in a grand yet discreet restaurant. She has a serious look on her face, with her red lips moving and her eyes staring daggers at a woman with her back facing to us. It was not long until their colloquy gets interrupted at once by a dandy man calling the woman, “Therese!” The woman turns her head. She rocks an Audrey Hepburn a la Roman Holiday haircut and wearing a dark brown plaid blazer. Though with how luxurious she looks, there is nothing that can cover the worried look on her face. The man then approaches and asks Therese if she wants to go with him to a party, which follows Carol excusing herself. Within seconds, she taps Therese’s shoulder gently. In that moment, a sensuous delicacy appears so subtle. There is an emotion there, that leads to the story that plays out in the most dreamlike manner.
From that scene, I was sold. My soul is forever flung, out of space, because of this. This is poetry, filled with a youthful love full of subdued longing, a tale of endearment. It streams right into my veins and stays there, disseminating its substance to my body. Truth be told, I have been always attracted to romance. Stories of how love conquers, defeats, conveys everything. To call it my brand would be accurate, actually. There are days where my emotions, my feelings, my guts are my armor. That they could lead me to a path of triumph — though sometimes they guide me more to many controversial consequences.
Watching that film reminds me of how bittersweet falling in love is. I remember this one part of Therese looking around the store where she works and she fixated on Carol. Her pair of almond eyes curiously gazing at her from the distance before their gazes met. There was this same simmering enigma that Therese has of Carol that I had of someone. An enigma that takes me into a love; a love that brims my heart, a love that gets us in reckless behavior and tricky situations. They can actually be accounted as something stupid, but also essential in our process of growing up. But then again, I guess that is where my line with Therese goes. She gets to have her head clear before eventually be reunited with those giddy feelings again. Whereas I was still stuck and needed several years to pick up pieces of my old self. Nevertheless, here I am, standing strong, the way Therese does too.
This film has a personal way of causing emotional reverberation that slams me right to the ground. The way Therese’s mind works was just like me. The impulses, the overflowing sentiments, the way her intense heart works for someone and something that she desires to be. For weeks, I’ve had repercussions about it. So many feelings were being spared because of that experience. Which makes it spectacular, really, how the mind works with what you get to see or hear or smell. There’s an infectious nuance that tricks you into make-believe. And in this case, it’s Carol. I correlated my emotions with the film and it resulted with a joyous cry. I get to be a spectator of a story done right, at least with my expectation.
Carol is my everything, and more.
July, 15th 2017
