How to Spot Toxic People
Manipulator. Narcissist. Psychopath. These are words often used to describe a toxic individual. But what exactly is a toxic person? How can we spot a McToxic?
1. What is a toxic person?
McToxics are manipulative people who intentionally cause harm to others without remorse or responsibility. This includes psychopaths, narcissist, and sociopaths, and anyone who is abusive, unsupportive or emotionally unhealthy.
A toxic person is essentially someone who brings you down more than raise you up.
They will manipulate you to get their way, and in the process you start to doubt your own thoughts and views and you become dependent on their opinion. A conversation with a McToxic can leave you feeling drained, and a relationship with them will leave you feeling mentally or emotionally exhausted.
2. How do we spot them?
Your intuition is key! It is your greatest defense against a McToxic. Sometimes, trauma can muffle our intuition. So here’s a list to get you started, and it will strengthen your intuition.
Normal loving, emotionally healthy individuals do not raise these flags.
- Easily bored. McToxics are often surrounded by people who stimulate and praise them all the time. They are never alone for a long time, and they quickly lose interest in things that don’t impact them in a positive or thrilling way. You may think that your preference for familiarity and consistency is inferior to their exciting and maybe even worldly ways.
- Crazy Ex’s. There are so many “crazy” people in their past because their ex-partners and friends who didn’t come crawling back to them are labeled as jealous, bipolar, an alcoholic, or some other nasty smear. And McToxics will do the same to you; they will vilify you to their next target.
- Hot and Cold. Sometimes they shower you with attention, sometimes they ignore you or even criticize you. They treat you differently in public than they do behind closed doors, and their intentions are often evolving. So, you never know where you stand with them. Why? McToxics put forth as little effort as possible. But the second you try to disengage, they step it up. They act like a bag of Sour Patch Kids as they cycle between mean and sweet.
- Backstabbing gossip. They idealize everyone to their faces but complain about them behind their backs. McToxics plant seeds of poison, whispering about everyone. As they reveal the issues of others, you may find yourself disliking or resenting people you’ve never even met. You may feel special for being the one he or she confides their grievances to. But once your relationship turns sour, McToxics will stab you in the back. They’ll go to everyone they once complained to you and lament how crazy you’ve become.
- Cracks in their mask. In the idealizing phase, they are charming, cute, and innocent. Then afterwards, for mere moments, this persona is replaced by something entirely different. It is cold, inconsiderate, and manipulative. Their personality just doesn’t add up and you start to realize that the person you fell in love with doesn’t actually exist.
- Lack of empathy. McToxics cannot put themselves in anyone else’s shoes. As a result, you may stop communicating your feelings with them because you’re met with silence or annoyance.
- Arrogance. They seemed humble and sweet in the early stages. But later you notice an air of superiority about them. McToxics talk down to you as if you are intellectually deficient and emotionally unstable. They shamelessly flaunt new targets after the breakup so their ex can see how happy they are without them.
- Hypocrites. McToxics are hypocrites. They expect fidelity, respect, and adoration from others. But after the idealization phase, they will cheat, lie, criticize, and manipulate. If you’re not perfect, they’ll replace you and they’ll call you “unstable”.
- Lack of Humaneness. You find yourself explaining the basic elements of human respect to them.
Emotionally healthy adults understand fundamental concepts, such as honesty and kindness, and they don’t need to an explanation on how they make others feel.
- Manipulation. McToxics play a game of secret, lies, and manipulation. So, you find yourself playing detective as you seek answers to a feeling you can’t explain.
- True Colors. These cracks in their mask show who they truly are, and you are the only one who sees their true colors. They constantly have a circle of people who adore them because they strategically distract them with shallow praise. However, because the praise is all shallow, they maintain superficial friendships longer than relationships.
The top experts agree that these traits suggest a toxic individual. And your life will be better and much healthier without McToxic and Karl, Karen, and anyone else who chooses to join the McToxic clan. Cut poisonous people from your life and build a better future that promises positivity and support.
Resources & Sources
If your physical or emotional safety are at risk in a relationship, make sure you check out these resources that you can read and learn of ways out.
- Codependent No More, a book by Melody Beattie, 1986. https://amzn.to/3qjZvBy
- Moving Beyond Betrayal, Vicki Tidwell Palmer, 2016. https://amzn.to/2N47wMD
- Psychopath Free, a book by Jackson MacKenzie, 2015. https://amzn.to/2XFPL8p
- “10 Toxic People You Should Avoid At All Costs” by Travis Bradberry at Forbes, 2015. https://www.forbes.com/sites/travisbradberry/2015/11/10/10-toxic-people-you-should-avoid-at-all-costs/?sh=33df3a2561db
- “22 Standout Groups Stopping Domestic Violence”by Laura Newcomer at Greatist, 2019, https://greatist.com/happiness/stop-domestic-violence-organizations
- “3 Signs a Person with Toxic Qualities Is Manipulating You (and What to Do About It)” by Kari Langslet at Greatist, 2020. https://greatist.com/live/dealing-with-a-toxic-person#So,-what-exactly-makes-a-person-toxic
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