Is it a sign?

Hi, longish post. Rant actually. Read at peril.

So, I am a suit trapped in the avatar of a creative guy. I believe that I am creative but deep down inside, I know I am not. During the day, I run C4 Events (which is yet another events agency) and I write books (my second is out this year). And at nights I dream of creating a (an?) utopian world where artists have enough on their plates to focus on their art and students have enough to not chase degrees and “other people” have enough to not leave their homes and loved ones back at home. No more roti ke liye mitti se door.

But then, I am not a creative and I cant think of a solution that will make any of the above happen. I am a suit. A paper pusher. Someone who’s ok (not great; merely ok) with taking files from inbox and signing on the dotted line and putting them in the outbox. For the next paper pusher to do the same. Paper pusher. Suit. Almost.

Thing is, I have vague ideas about things. But I dont know how to get them to work. I dont know what to do push things.

I dont know how to put pen to paper and write a manifesto that moves the world. I cant create an emblem that becomes the symbol of the free world that I want to create, that I want to live in. I cant conjure up a melody that all the happy people in the world would hum even on their bad days.

I find myself inadequate. Incomplete. Talentless. Listless when I even think of these things. I dont even know where to begin. And where to end. If there is an end to this. Things like this run for perpetuity. No?

I thus seek people to walk alongside. Slog the long hours together. Help me. Take whatever little I have to offer. Create the new kind of world. Which is all the things that I listed above. And probably more.

If you are someone who can write, design, paint or think or do any of those things that helps move things forward, would you want to partner with someone like me (with my limitations as a suit and a dreamer) and try and do things?

I dont know of shape that things will take. I dont know if there is money to be made. I dont know if this means that you and I quit our day jobs. I dont know what else do I need to know about before I seek or ask or expect. Help me find questions. And answers. I am @saurabh.

Thank You!