Is there a right way of disciplining?

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“When children don’t make healthy decisions, they are communicating that they need more guidance.”

In the following article, I have shared some ideas about how parents & teachers could discipline children. Discipline is commonly viewed as a way to show superiority over someone, However, I see it as a collaborative effort that is aimed at yielding a better future for the children.

The following ideas may sound utopian and impossible but if they could be modified accordingly, they may be useful.

• Set Clear Rules and Expectations:

As teens grow older, they need to know your expectations. Set clear rules and discuss the same with them. Role model effective communication and ensure that they are aware of the consequences of breaking the rules ahead of time.

• Problem-Solving Discipline:

There are so many times when rules may not make sense to the teens. They may not understand the logic behind some things. For example, when we tell them not to hit each other, they counter argue by saying that they have been doing this for ages and nobody said anything. At this point it is important to make them understand the ‘logic’ behind setting such rules. Also it is important to ask for any suggestions.

• Avoid Power Struggle:

Many times ego comes in the way of effective discipline. It is difficult to accept that the child is not listening to the elder and that demotivates one from having a negotiation too. However, it is essential to keep in mind that power struggle is never good.

• Remove Privileges when Necessary:

Many a times I have noticed that privileges are taken away without an explanation and no clear expectations are stated as to how the child can get back the same. The child must be given a warning, a reason for the privileges being taken away and also a second chance at getting those back.

A behaviour contract could be useful. For example, if a child is able to fulfil the requirements for two weeks, he earns back his privileges.

• Pay Restitution:

There are times when it is important to have the child pay restitution. For example, if he/ she spoils other child’s project, he should not only fix that but also do some extra work.

Age-Appropriate Discipline Techniques:

The disciplining techniques parents use should be based on age-appropriate expectations. For example, explaining to a 13-month-old why she is being punished for hitting her sibling isn’t going to get you very far if she can’t yet understand reasoning. Using guidelines outlined by the American Academy of Family Physicians, Dr. Phil suggests the following discipline techniques and when they are effective to use.

1. Positive Reinforcement
2. Redirecting
3. Verbal instruction and explanation
4. Time outs
5. Establishing rules
6. Grounding
7. Withholding privileges

He also suggested age wise appropriateness of the same:

Birth to 18 Months

Effective:

· Positive Reinforcement

· Redirecting

Ineffective:

· Verbal Instruction/Explanation

· Time-outs

· Establishing Rules

· Grounding

· Withholding Privileges

18 Months to 3 Years

Effective:

· Positive Reinforcement

· Redirecting

· Verbal Instruction/Explanation

· Time-outs

Ineffective:

· Establishment of Rules

· Grounding

· Withholding Privileges

4 to 12 Years

Effective:

· Positive Reinforcement

· Redirecting

· Verbal Instruction/Explanation

· Time-outs

· Establishment of Rules

· Grounding

· Withholding Privileges

13 to 16 Years

Effective:

· Positive Reinforcement

· Verbal Instruction/Explanation

· Establishment of Rules

· Grounding

· Withholding Privileges

Ineffective:

· Redirecting

· Time-outs

I do understand that teachers, parents and care takers are pressurised and it is but natural to lose patience. However, using effective techniques would not only ensure discipline but corporation and respect by the children. They would also like to share their feelings and a bond of understanding will be created.