Are You Painting the Right Picture?
If you look at your relationships from only your perspective, you may be missing the most important part of the scene
I come from a family where love has always been our top priority. Not showing love was always kind of strange. You always had to share whatever you had, give words of advice and encouragement, sacrifice your time, or just do the slightest thing to put a smile on another person’s face, especially when that person was family.
Well, I have walked with all this in mind all the time that I started to believe I knew all about love and there was nothing else to learn or know. I didn’t need to understand other people, it was enough just doing what I believed, because what else could a person want?
When love is a one-way street
The older I got the more comfortable I became with giving love only when I wanted. You can’t give love to everyone at the same time. That gradually grew into giving love only how I wanted to. If it wasn’t comfortable for me I’ll just ignore it and move on no matter who was involved.
And at some point, I was the selfish girl who didn’t care about anyone or anything. I built walls and hid myself in them, I didn’t let anyone too close to me, never allowed anyone to see me cry or be extremely happy. Well, that got me through some really hard seasons. But when genuine love comes around you rarely realise when your walls fall flat.
I began trying to figure out this love thing again, but I needed everyone to follow my rules. DO IT MY WAY. I got some friends to understand me and some called me out occasionally.
Eventually, I started looking for the missing piece to my puzzle. How was I giving, sacrificing, and giving words of encouragement but still getting it wrong. Just when I was beginning to give up on the idea of loving someone to satisfaction, I decided to do what I know how to do best “Self-learn.”
Participating in a wedding was an opportunity for me to see again
A few days ago was my cousin’s wedding, and like every Nigerian wedding, there is a Traditional marriage before the wedding. And like every Nigerian marriage after the bride and groom, the next most important thing is FOOD. She needed all the hands she could get for that day to go perfectly well.
On the other hand, I hate large cookings, hate being in the midst of people I don’t know, hate not sleeping in my bed, and I hate excessive sounds. But I went.
I had to leave my house a day before to assist in whatever I could do in preparation for the ceremony. At the end of the ceremony the next day, I had a headache, was worn out, and was getting easily irritated cause I was tired. But I was happy being there. I was even more happy that she was happy. Her endless flow of appreciation made everything have meaning.
Driving back home filled with the happiness and emotions of the day, I realized I definitely loved right today. She called later to find out if we got home safe and show more appreciation for my presence.
The choices I could have made
I took a little self-analysis test that evening and realized there were a lot of different ways that day could have gone for me.
First, I could have easily checked out on going to help the day before and just showed up for the event with a smile and some gifts, saying congratulations and taking pictures, which would have been fine and acceptable.
Secondly, I could have called in with an excuse for not showing up for the ceremony and sent gifts or money as my congratulations. Which would have been fine and acceptable.
Thirdly, I could have ignored everything about the ceremony, not sent a single congratulations or even acknowledged the wedding invitation. Which would still be fine and acceptable.
These are all options and no matter how crazy it might sound, still prove love. All from different angles, and all arguable.
Left for me alone, I would have gone for the first option and just showed up for the ceremony. But this wasn’t about me alone, It wasn’t even about me at all.
What happens when you see from the other person’s perspective
That little sacrifice I made will forever keep me in her mind and heart as someone who did something special for her on her special day. She would remember the people who came for the occasion to the best of her ability and photos will remind her of the others. But the people who took pains to make sure that everything was perfectly perfect have a special place in her heart.
Well, if you’re thinking, “How do I know that?” You’re right, I don’t. But the smiles on her lips, the appreciation in her voice, and the abundant emotions in her eyes saying all the remaining words her voice couldn’t bring forth tell me she will be remembering me and every other person there for a very long time.
When giving love, you must see the world through the lens of the receiver. It’s not about you and all the things you’ve done or not done. It’s not about what you think is right or what you think the receiver should appreciate.
Love is about sacrifice. Willing sacrifice. Love is about putting yourself aside and concentrating on the next person. It is about being happy that the receiver is happy.
The funny thing about love is that no matter how you give it, it is always justifiable. That’s why so many people tend to abuse it. We live in a world where you’re always right especially when it comes to love. “What more does she want from me?” “What else can I do?”…
Have you ever stopped to wonder “What if I’m giving the wrong love?” Yes, there is something like wrong love. That is why there are different love languages, and they are for different times. It is important to know which language to give at certain times or everything becomes useless.
In conclusion, you could give all the love you have to someone and it won’t be enough. Communication is very important in love. I believe if we communicated our feelings more at different intervals on how we want to be loved it would make it easier for the giver to do it right.
In the same way, I would have never shown up to help my cousin if she had not mentioned it before that day. Love may not be perfect all the time, but it can be damn close.
