Gratitude’s Gentle Revolution: One Journal Entry at a Time

Position yourself to be kinder by expressing thanks

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It’s fascinating how anchors shape our conversations.

Take the couple with a yappy Scotty dog I passed in the lane this morning. As we greeted each other with smiles, the silver-haired lady looked up at the sky and remarked, “It’s not bad today.” I nodded in agreement, adding, “At least it’s not raining”.

It was a very British conversation, but as I walked away, I chuckled at the way anchoring had set the terms for the brief exchange of words. Isn’t it remarkable how two passing strangers can adjust their perspectives to exchange positive words?

Reflecting, I realised that both our comments were based on the weather from the day before. A fine drizzle, blown from the north, made the day one for staying indoors. To describe the day as ‘not bad’ inferred how lousy the previous day was. My words did the same.

Our shared anchor was influenced by two factors. The first was a bias towards a recent event rather than the broader knowledge of what the weather is typically like in July. The second was born from us both being optimists.

Now, I don’t know the elderly lady, but I suspect a pessimist would have glanced at the cloudy sky that morning and compared it to typical July rather than the prior gloomy wet day. Therefore, her greeting would have been more negative, “We’ve had our summer”, or “It will be like this until Autumn”.

That’s the magic of an anchor. Like one you’ll find on a boat, you can raise the anchor and put it down in deeper or shallower water. It’s up to you. After all, dropping anchor in the wrong spot can make you appear negative, flippant, and uncaring. The right placement of an anchor can change everything. But given this flexibility, how do you learn where to place it?

I’m no professor, but I know we can prime ourselves to elicit the behaviours we would rather see. You can’t force yourself to be nice all the time, but you can condition yourself to be kinder by expressing gratitude — even if it’s done privately.

I do this in my journal. My first journal prompt of the day is to ask what I’m grateful for. Whatever it is, it…