How to Finish What You Start: My Journey
I felt the devastating impact of one toxic word
Not too long ago, I had an epiphany. A sudden realization that I’d come so close to success in so many areas, only to fall short at the last hurdle. I’d almost succeeded.
I had…
- Almost become a professional boxer
- Almost owned a successful gym
- Almost had a terrific career
- Almost been a fitness authority
The list went on…
Whenever I was almost about to achieve major success, I’d quit.
“Many people possess the ability to ‘shoot themselves in the foot’, often when they are on the verge of success or when something good is about to happen in their life.” — Martin Perry
I saw a vision of my gravestone with the words “he almost succeeded” on it. Damn, that was going to be my legacy.
I thought through the reasons for this. They were all under my control.
I was the one letting myself down. Nobody else to blame…Damn.
The reasons for this had a lot to do with my habits and my self-perception.
- I was way too harsh on myself
- I had no clear, exciting vision or plan to achieve my goals
- My self image was poor, and I lacked confidence
- I struggled with setbacks
- I was impatient
A life-changing realization
The great news was that if these things were under my control, I could take action to turn the ship around. I’d had the power to drop my habit of “almost” succeeding.
I realized what I was doing to myself. A problem revealed is a problem half solved. I saw, in high definition, how I was crippling my own ambitions.
My transformation begins
I needed to take urgent action to stop this suicide repeating. So I started these five powerful steps…
Step 1. The first thing was to be kinder to myself.
This was difficult after a lifetime habit of self-disgust. But with the promise of a better future, I took on the challenge to look at myself with respect.
Feeling down on myself was exhausting. Like carrying a heavy load through life.
Hating myself wasn’t a successful strategy. I thought that criticizing myself would push me to get things done. Nope, that didn’t work.
A huge lesson I learned was that the opposite is true. That liking and respecting myself was far more productive.
Think about it — would you find any motivation to help someone you hated?
I had three realizations that made an incredible difference to how I felt towards myself.
- I had always done what I thought was best at the time
- I had already achieved many things I’d never given myself credit for
- I would never talk to a friend like that. I’d encourage them
So I began to feel a lot better about myself. That was a great start.
Step 2. Next was to decide what I wanted my life to look like and get excited about it.
Excitement was the secret sauce. Yes, it’s an emotion, so it needs to be stirred up daily, but excitement pulled me forward toward my targets. I got fired up!
A crystal-clear picture of success in my mind increased my desire and my enthusiasm. I was on a roll.
Step 3. I then needed to focus on becoming the type of person capable of achieving the life I wanted.
I started becoming someone who gets things done. A person of action, a success. Someone who makes completing projects a habit. I developed a culture of success within myself.
It became unacceptable to quit when the finish line was in sight.
A huge part of that was letting go of perfectionism. I learned that people who succeed aren’t perfectionists; they’re doers. They get things done as well as they can, and that’s enough.
“All you can do is all you can do. But all you can do is enough.”
A L Williams
I took hold of the steering wheel of my life and got the sucker moving!
Step 4. Something I needed to do was to reframe my attitude towards failures and setbacks.
They all became learning experiences…challenges. I took ’em on!!
“Accept reality, but focus on the solution. Take that issue, take that setback, take that problem, and turn it into something good.” — Jocko Willink
I developed the habit of following what Jocko recommends. When a problem arose, I said to myself, “that’s good,” then I looked for the good in it. It worked.
I turned those past obstacles into stepping stones that improved me. I became a stronger, more positive person who wouldn’t quit. Our brains have a plasticity that allows change. I changed.
Step 5. The last step was to settle into the grind. To develop patience. To be a grown-up.
Until then, I’d acted like a child. If results didn’t come right away, I’d quit.
Not every attempt would result in fast progress, and I had to accept that.
I learned to trust the process. Do the work and give it time.
Imagine a farmer planting carrots, then digging them up every few days to check if they were growing. Then, if they weren’t, he’d give up farming.
Sounds ridiculous, but that’s how I used to be. Now I do the work, and I know whatever I put in, I’ll get back.
In the past, when I was almost there, about to hit my goal, I’d do more to hurry things along. Then, bang, it’d all get too much for me, and I’d bomb.
I had to learn to pace myself as if I were running a marathon. Not slow, but at a pace that I could sustain long term.
That was my journey; I ditched the habit of “almost” hitting my goals. It wasn’t easy, but it paid off big time.
Believe me, if I can conquer this habit, anyone can. The rest is up to you.
