A long Covid, or Over the Wall — Sunday 4th April 2021

I’m not travelling to Boston today. I had felt hopeful that I’d pass a fit-to-fly test yesterday as I’d done my first and second clear covid test of the week yesterday morning at home.

But I didn’t. I’m still positive for Covid, and no longer travelling to see Anna.

I feel deflated and flat. Tired and sad.

‘It will be okay,’ Anna and I have reminded ourselves. And it will be.

It’s Monday morning at 9:30. I dropped Max off at school this morning and he asked me how it’s possible to Karate chop some wood in half as we walked through the school gates. That feels like my challenge for the day. I’ll have an answer for him when I get him from school later.

I do need a break, you know.

Below is picture I took of Nina in my bedroom window this morning, and below that is an entry from my diary written this time last year.

Sunday 4th April 2021

We got to the Albert Dock at about 10 this morning, my Dad, Max and I. It was bright and a bit chilly but we had a lovely wander and stopped in to pick up cake and coffees that we sat and drank on a wall by the car before we left. Max had a wee against the wall before we left and a woman on a nearby bench stared forward across the docks and pretended not to notice.

It’s Easter Sunday today — the one holiday I don’t really understand or feel much gratitude for. I’m aware that for Christians it's a day to reflect on Jesus either dying or rising — whichever of those he did on Easter Sunday — and that’s very nice, but the easter eggs, chocolate rabbits and people cooking lamb doesn’t relate for me and so I find the whole thing a bit hard to grasp.

I may be feeling this way because this is the second Easter Weekend we’ve spent in a pandemic. Maybe I felt differently about it before and it was a cherished weekend, and I suppose in some ways this has been a cherished weekend, too. I’ve had a few days off, eaten chocolate eggs, made Lego with Max, had a walk with Max and my Dad and saw my Mum, had a video chat with my friends from Awesome Foundation, chatted lots with Anna and now I’m here having a beer. And tomorrow I’ll read in bed in the morning and then potter around the house doing little bits of admin and maybe cutting my hair and cooking. A lot to be thankful for, there.

And so what the hell was I talking about earlier saying that I don’t feel grateful for it? Of course, I’m grateful.

Although I suppose I would have done most of these things on any other weekend, chocolate eggs aside.

So maybe I’m just grateful.

It’s just gone 9 pm here and I’m having a beer and watching a video about Bill Shankly on YouTube on my phone. Anna has some calls with her family and so we’ll speak again shortly in between them and then later again. I had some new books arrive this weekend and so I’m hoping to start one in bed this evening.

I have one day left of my holidays, a second Sunday. I’m hoping to make it a good one, to squeeze every little bit of value out of it before I’m back at work on Tuesday.

I’m glad to have some cold beers in the fridge.

This is part of a series of diary entries I wrote from April 2020 to April 2021. I’m posting them a year out from when I first wrote them. You can read the other ones I’ve posted here