Sex , Race , & Denial
“You cannot allow any of your people to avoid the brutal facts. If they start living in a dream world, it’s going to be bad.” - General Mattis
It’s hard to face the facts sometimes. Especially when the facts are so brutal , it feels like a mental tsunami about to destroy your entire worldview. It’s not easy to face the facts of life, but sometimes you have to face them , no matter what. The alternative is living in a dream world , where problems and this book does not exist. Is it better to keep the status quo? Or is it better to be aware of the fact that being an asian man is equal to being on the bottom of the social ladder? It’s debatable , but sometimes you just have to face the music. Being aware that a problem means that you can fix it. You can do all the dreaming you want , and pretend a problem does not exist , but when the time comes, how are you going to fix it? It’s better to be aware.
Now it is easier to dismiss or minimize the sociopolitical problems that Asian men have, and instead focus entirely on individual agency, and telling yourself that “The problems that you have in your dating life , career , or education is entirely your fault , your culture’s fault , or your parents fault” but you need to stop blaming YOU. The problem behind your problems isn’t you , nor your culture , or your parents. It’s a symptom of a larger problem in society. One that has something to do with the history of this country , and the history of our forefathers who immigrated to this country , that we all seem to have forgotten. Know your history.
Self-improvement is great , and having the drive to build a better life are great philosophies to follow, and indeed I as many other Asian Men follow it as a personal philosophy. But, it is important to note that downplaying or denying the very real structural, cultural and institutional barriers we face is not the right thing to do. It can be mentally overwhelming and taxing on the psyche on young men who are not used to confronting these hard truths, but it is very important that Asian American men understand how sociopolitical apathy and denying our very real problems only serves to perpetuate the status quo.
You may be a young man reading this , or maybe you are a father/mother already. Regardless , one day if you have children, whether the mother of your children is white , latino , or asian , your children will be asian in one way of the other. Would you want them to face the same things that you have? Perhaps you have been called small — dicked , nerd , or some other demeaning stereotype related to being Asian , but we should urn for the day when it is not socially acceptable for Asian Men to face casual racism from others, and being treated equally to other men in the dating universe. You wouldn’t want your children to face discrimination purely related to their race.
From the APA ( American Psychological Association)
Racial/ethnic minorities who break stereotypes are more likely to be bullied. Asian American and Latino student athletes were more likely to be bullied, whereas sport participation was an insulating factor for White and Black students.
Getting bullied for breaking a stereotype is not right. It seems like society wants you to be a stereotype , and if you don’t , you get punished for it.
SEX, RACE, AND DENIAL
In American society, race and gender are constructed in manner that privileges some and disadvantages others. The same can be said of racialized gender stereotypes: black men and Asian women are hyper-sexualized, whereas Asian men and black women are desexualized. Asian women marry whites by a ratio of at least 2:1 over Asian men. Given these conditions, Asian males have grown weary of assertions that interracial love is truly colorblind. So, how does all this relate to questions of self-esteem? What are the consequences of racialized gender stereotypes?
An undated article titled The Asian Dating Dilemma: It Boils Down to Self-Esteem and Perception, by Harry Mok, was featured in Blast@explode.com , an Asian American online publication. This article was posted in the forum on September 28, 2006, for the purpose of edifying Asian men into disconnecting their self-esteem from racial stereotypes that disadvantage them. In short, Asian men are instructed to pretend that stereotypes don’t exist, and that the distresses caused, are fabrications of the mentally susceptible.
What began as a promising narrative about growing up Asian, in a predominantly white residential area, degenerated into a misguided reprimand of Asian men, as weak-minded dupes “feeding their own anxieties,” as well as overt trivialization of racism. This article ostensibly pays tribute to Asians who endured racism in the United States, but its conclusion epitomizes the Asian American traditionalist mindset: denying racism’s impact. Such mindset is prevalent among the first generation or immigrant parents who emphasize hard work as the solution to racism; thus living up to the model minority stereotype, so admired by whites.
Hard work is not the solution to racism. You can be CEO of a fortune 500 corporation , yet you will still face racism , but only gain respect because you have tons of money. Our parents constantly tell us to get a good education , to earn money, gain a respectable social standing ; that by having a good education, racism will magically disappear. But will it? The only thing that happens in the end is that we end up buying into the system, becoming the model minority stereotype. The racism continues and people continue denying the impact of racism.
About 80% of the article is dedicated to accounting the author’s personal experience, explaining how racial stereotypes affected his self-esteem. Clearly, he was victimized by individuals, as well as by a system that fosters anti-Asian racism. The remaining 20% of his text is a denial of social forces. Instead of encouraging Asian males to speak up and scrutinize American society, Mok prefers to lull his fellow co-ethnics into political complacency, by suggesting that racism is only “in the mind.”
That’s been our dominant strategy for the past 200 years, and our situation today is a direct result of that. Casual racism is still very prevalent towards asians, but where is the casual racism in the African American community? It is impossible to acknowledge that casual racism has been wiped out by the African American community, but given that it is not common for them , why does it still exist for us ? The complacency of the Asian American community has lead us to speak with silence when we face racism, and ignore the fact that racism exists. To suggest that racism is only in the mind is to stick your head in the sand and ignore the problems that Asian Americans really face.
Mok: “Sometimes when I’m introduced to the non-Asian boyfriends of Asian women, an image pops into my head of a guy gloating and flaunting his sexual prowess. For an instant I feel powerless, “He’s a better man than I.” The moment passes and I realize it’s ridiculous, but nonetheless, it lingers in my mind.
Viewing myself through the filter of Asian male stereotypes has warped my self-esteem. I worry about how others perceive me and I’m angry. But my anger is not aimed at the Asian women who won’t date Asian men, nor is it aimed at the white guys obsessed with Asian women.
I save my wrath for myself. I’m the only one to blame for feeding my own anxieties. I know now that for the most part, it is just in my mind. Stereotypes, no matter who they’re aimed at, aren’t real. I wish more people would wake up to this, like I have.”
The similarity between Mok’s self-criticism and Charlie Chan’s passivity in the face of racist diatribes is unsettling. If Charlie Chan takes no offense at racist pronouncements, then why should other Asians?
Perhaps a more insightful critique emanates from the research of political analyst and author Michael Parenti. In his book, The Culture Struggle (2006), Parenti examines New Age “hyper-individualist self-empowerment” beliefs, promoted by inspiration gurus. These spiritual leaders, urge their followers to focus internally and give up on trying to change the world (i.e., fighting racism, sexism, economic exploitation, and other injustices). In this context, Mok’s simplistic approach corresponds to these practices.
Parenti articulates:
“Individual will is all-powerful and determines one’s fate. Those who are poor and hungry, or who have been raped or murdered, must have willed it upon themselves in some way. Suffering, is merely the result of imperfect consciousness. If you create your own reality, then you have no one blame but yourself- or your past selves. Gender, class, and racial oppression are of one’s own devising, or one’s just desserts.” (p. 116).
It would be like telling a patient who has breathing problems, that his poor health is psychosomatic, and that the coal-burning plant in his neighborhood has nothing to do with it. The problem with individualism is that when people face problems , they offload their responsibilities and shift the blame towards something else, never acknowledging the real problems that actually exist by blaming something else , to pretend that the world isn’t as gruesome as it is. To accept Mok’s convictions, is to shrink away from the responsibility of standing up to racist culture. Telling Asian men to blame themselves instead of protesting or being angry at racial discrimination, is reminiscent of justifications used in the defense of the Hindu caste system.
There is nothing unethical about improving one’s social assets by physical exercising, grooming, cultivating personal tranquility and developing better social skills. Such measures may enhance romantic life for many singles, regardless of race. But to assert that the social reality of race is merely “a matter of mindset and self-will,” is to ventriloquize white racism. This type of attitude is what makes “model minorities” into willing pawns of white supremacy.
Self-esteem is a by-product of empowerment. Empowerment comes from activism and the attainment of consciousness; understanding the importance of solidarity and the need to struggle against racial, sexual, and social injustice. Empowerment is less likely to be achieved by individualized self-absorbed pursuits, than by unified politically cognizant efforts.
Self-improvement is great , whether physically or socially to improve one’s social status , but by doing so we became sock puppets of the white supremacy , with our voices really controlled by the white supremacy, our real voices becoming silenced , while we unconsciously uphold the white supremacy buying into things like “Racism is a thing of the past. The delusion of personal agency in overcoming racism ignores the real issues of racism, lulling us into a sense of false security. To empower all Asian Americans , we must be unified as a politically aware identity.
Still, there are those who advocate witticisms about genitalia, or sneering at bigoted louts, as the solution to the question of self-esteem. Chest-thumping behavior is unlikely to affect racial hierarchy or privilege, because emulating white hegemonic masculinity only reaffirms the very system that disempowers Asian Americans.
Asian American men would do better by rejecting demands for self-reproach, when confronting those who exploit or indulge in racial stereotypes for personal gain. Often, these individuals misuse “freedom of choice” as a ready-made defense for racial privilege. Coerced contrition and sociopolitical apathy does little in the way of empowering Asian Americans, but does much for reactionaries, white racists, and Joy Luck Club (JLC) pseudo-feminists.
Despite what you may think, the same racist “SJW”s and pseudo-feminists would love for all Asian men to continue to deny that our problems exist and demonstrate sociopolitical apathy. Asian Feminists lump us in with the patriarchy , but who is the real patriarchy in this country? It seems like the Feminists in the Asian American Community have been corrupted by the white feminist narrative into thinking that Asian Men are part of this patriarchy. We all know who holds the real power. White Men. Asian Men are Men , but who really holds the power in the political, cultural , and legal institutions in this country?
