As Introverts, We Are More Resilient Than We Realize
What my recent apartment search taught me about resilience
My life has taken me to many different places, and I relocated frequently as a student and a young professional. Even though finding an apartment often took a lot of effort, especially in places where I did not speak the language, such as the Netherlands or Belgium, moving has never been a particularly unpleasant experience for me. I just had a few possessions with me at the time, which could easily fit into a cab or a friend’s car.
When I first moved in with my husband in early 2020 to the apartment he had been renting for nearly a decade, I did not like it very much. It was bachelor-style, a bit neglected, and lacked my personal touches. Over time, however, I came to appreciate our little place in the green and quiet suburbs of Chicago. We gradually transformed that place into something more welcoming and homey, and I was relieved to know that it would be my home for the next few years. Our idyll ended at the beginning of 2022, when a lot happened in just seven days. I invite you to look into my journal from that time.
January 24th, 2022
My husband and I were walking home after a morning stroll when one of the management staff members approached me and asked for a talk. It turned out that the management planned renovations for some of the apartments in the complex, including ours. We would have to move to another apartment within the complex for an unknown period of time. I was excited at first since I had been dreaming about new kitchen fronts and bathroom tiles for a while now. We were told that we should also consider other options outside the complex because the apartment’s renovation came with a significant increase in rent. “We are going to move for a few weeks and then return to a renovated apartment that we could arrange together,” I reasoned. Still, the thought that we might not have a place to stay in two weeks bothered me. I felt like I was being evicted from my home, my sacred space, my safe haven. As we processed the events of the morning, we began to accept the possibility that it was time for a change. Later that day, we searched the web for available apartments in our price range and came to the saddening conclusion that it seemed more reasonable to move elsewhere. After all, it was only sentiment that kept us there. Even though I knew the time would eventually come for us to leave, I was not ready for that yet. I would give anything to spend another spring and summer reading on the balcony and watching the rabbits and ducklings.
January 25th, 2022
We looked at three apartments today, and none of them are places I would want to call home. I am feeling overwhelmed by the prospect of packing everything we have accumulated over the years and moving it all to a new location. Yesterday I thought that change would be good for us, but today I feel helpless and desperately want to stay. Such contrasting emotions seem to be a part of each day, swinging between excitement from finding a better home and uncertainty, overwhelm, and stress. I spent the evening buried under the blankets, trying to let go of all the places I saw that seemed foreign and all those interactions with people praising the virtues of their communities. Reading helps me escape into a different reality, which is exactly what I need right now. I do not know what I would do without my husband.
January 26th, 2022
Without knowing where we would be moving, I devote myself to decluttering as getting rid of excess stuff calms me down. We saw the fourth apartment today, which finally has some potential. It has high ceilings, which reminds us of our current apartment, and a large kitchen. Despite its proximity to a park, the complex is also near a train station and has a very transit-oriented and unwelcoming vibe. I am calming down a bit. I can imagine us arranging that space. At night, I have dreams about living there. I feel physically exhausted, as if I have spent the entire day doing physically demanding tasks. We have only been looking for a new place for two days, but it feels like two weeks.
January 27th, 2022
We saw another apartment in the morning, which quickly became our favorite despite its small kitchen. The community space was very welcoming, unlike the one we saw yesterday. This is also the first apartment with a pantry, and I am already planning how I will organize all the jars and baskets filled with food that will be stored inside. Doing this is my defense mechanism, which allows me to find order in the midst of chaos. Every evening, my husband and I get together to talk about the apartments we saw that day. We decided to look at another apartment next week because the community has great reviews, and we scheduled a viewing for Wednesday. Luckily for us, the apartment complexes here provide virtual tours and floor plans to prospective residents, so we can get a sense of what they look like. So far, we have only seen two vacant apartments where we could move in right way. Meanwhile, the apartment we saw today appears in my dream tonight.
January 28th, 2022
It is finally Friday, and we do not have any apartment hunting today. However, we cannot wait until Wednesday to see the other apartment, so we go there ourselves to see where the vacancies are located. We were able to see the building from the outside and sneak inside through a door that another resident had left open. We are encouraged by what we saw there. When we got home, my analytical mind took over, and I made an Excel file to evaluate the places we had seen so far. And… we applied to the community we had a look at yesterday without seeing the actual apartment (thank goodness for virtual tours and pictures!). I had a good feeling about this place and wanted to give it a shot. None of the other locations we visited made me feel particularly welcome or safe, and I place a lot of value on the subjective impression of feeling at home and comfortable wherever I go. After all, if things do not work out, we can always move out after a year. My anxiety had given way to curiosity, and I am excited to see how everything turns out. My spontaneity amazes me, but I suppose that is what happens when there is just too much to process.
February 1st, 2022
Our application has been approved! We go to the office to get the keys and see the apartment for the first time. I am pleasantly surprised, and I know we made the right decision. The search is finally over!
February 15th, 2022
It has been two weeks since we moved in. My memories of the hardships of apartment hunting are gradually being replaced by visions of making the new apartment as comfortable and cozy as possible. I promised myself that in this new space I am creating for myself, I would do what my heart truly desires: write a lot, draw, be creative, and pursue my passions. It will still take some time for us to unpack, settle in, get used to the new way home, and get to know our neighborhood.
May 2022
It has been three months since we moved in. The seasons have changed, from the harsh winter of the Midwest to full-blown summer. It is fascinating to watch how our new complex changes with the seasons. We have finally finished unpacking and settling in, and we are planning summer holidays.
March 2023
It has been a year since we moved into our current apartment, which no longer feels new but rather like we have lived here much longer. Surprisingly, I do not think about our time in the previous place very often. My mind is occupied with the new challenges ahead of me at work and school. And I finally converted my space into an art studio.
We all struggle with change. But, as humans, we have an extraordinary ability to adapt to new realities, even if the challenges we currently face seem insurmountable at first and we are unsure where to find the strength to overcome them. And introverts can be exceptionally skeptical of change. This move, however, has taught me how strong and resilient I am. My husband even commented on how well I handled the move because of my introversion, which provides me with inner strength (he will understand how much I struggled after reading this article).
Indeed, we introverts are extremely resilient because we derive our strength from within.
With that, I am directing these words to introverts who are currently struggling: You will get through it, and everything will be alright. You will overcome your initial fears, find peace in your new reality, and grow as a result of your hardships. Be gentle with yourself during this period of transition and give yourself plenty of time to get used to the changes. I am rooting for you.
