The Challenge of Being an Introverted Parent in Quarantine
Here are some ways to make it easier
I admit I feel a little guilty when I tell friends that overall I am thriving pretty well in lockdown. Of course, I miss my friends and family dearly. I want to be able to get together or go out for a cocktail or dinner. I am so sad our children will not be returning to school and sports and dance are done. However, as far as the day to day goes, I am hanging in there.
I was not faring so well a few weeks ago. I had quite a few moments of panic rising in my chest which required lots of deep breaths to push back down. My husband is working from home full time and I have three young children. I was feeling lazy, fatigued, bloated, impatient, and grumpy. I kept telling my husband I felt like I was going to have a mental breakdown.
I am sure we have all been there. I have had many moments of ups and downs and from what I have gathered from friends, we are all in the same boat. Some days we are ok and some days we are in tears. This is new territory for all of us and with it comes a lack of routine and uncertainty that can challenge our mental well being.
I recently discovered I was an introvert after taking a personality test. I mistakingly identified as an extrovert for my whole life.
Discovering that I was, in fact, introverted was a massive revelation for me. I was overwhelmed, overly socialized, and burnt out when I made this discovery. Learning the self-care I needed to overcome those feelings was life-changing.
So, when I was feeling stressed and anxious a few weeks ago, I asked myself the question I always ask now whenever I am feeling mentally chaotic and worn down.
When was the last time you were alone?
If quarantine has proven one thing it’s that alone time is non-negotiable. And that I am definitely an introvert.
The kids and my husband ARE ALWAYS THERE!
Back in normal life, my husband works outside of the home and my children are in school. I have built-in alone time nearly every day of the week that I previously took for granted.
I did not realize the impact of having people around me all day long would have on my physical and mental wellbeing until now. I knew I had to make some changes if we were going to weather the COVID storm as one big happy family.
The very first thing you should do, if your spouse doesn’t already know, is to take the time to explain your introverted needs and let them know you need this time alone every day.
They will benefit from it too.
I am fortunate that my husband is also an introvert so that makes the matter of understanding easier.
4 survival tips for introverted parents in quarantine
Get out for a walk.
This is my preferred method for gaining the alone time I need. I am generally very active; running or walking and taking yoga, and at the beginning of this quarantine, my exercise routine took a hit.
This method allows me to get both the physical activity I need and the alone time I crave. I put on my headphones, let my music take over my brain, and walk for an hour every single day.
This one addition to my daily routine has massively improved my mood and my physical symptoms of bloating and fatigue. It took just a few days of walking for me to see a drastic change. I have more patience and feel calm and equipped to tackle homeschooling and raising three little humans while keeping them away from my husband’s Zoom meetings.
Meditate.
Even if you and your spouse are working from home, you should be able to sneak away for 20 minutes. Find the quietest spot in your house. If you have to go in a closet you do what you have to do. Find a comfortable spot. I tend to get cold and can’t relax when I am shivering so I usually bring a blanket and prop myself comfortably on some pillows.
You can use music if you prefer. It may help drown out your little angels. I choose a yoga or meditation channel on pandora and pop in some headphones.
Take the time to do a mental check throughout your body to make sure every single part is relaxed. Watch your jaw and tongue. We tend to tense those without even realizing it.
Then focus on your breath and let your thoughts float by.
If you catch yourself giving a thought some attention, focus back to your breath. It helps me to say ‘in’ and ‘out’, ‘in’ and ‘out’ in my head.
You will be amazed at what 20 minutes focusing on your body and relaxing your mind will do for your stress levels.
Take a nap.
According to the National Sleep Foundation, “short naps of 20–30 minutes can help to improve mood, alertness, and performance.”
In the United States, we have a very busy lifestyle and napping is often thought of as lazy. The opposite is true.
Taking the time to give yourself a little sleep can make a drastic difference in the remainder of your day. A nap, even a short one, can provide relaxation and rejuvenation.
Don’t be afraid to separate from your spouse in the evening.
If getting in alone time during the day is a challenge, it’s ok to tell your spouse that you will be hanging in a separate room that evening.
My husband usually goes out with friends once a week and I work Friday nights. We both admit that we look forward to those nights. Not because we don’t love each other and don’t enjoy hanging out, but because it offers us a night every week where we can recharge with some alone time. Of course, neither of those things are happening right now.
It is ok, even when you are both home, to relax in different rooms.
You are then free to watch what you want, to read or journal or mindlessly scroll through social media or whatever else you enjoy doing alone.
Do not be afraid to advocate for your need to be alone.
It is absolutely necessary for an introvert to get in that alone time to recharge. If you neglect that need — which incidentally you should consider as important as a healthy diet, exercise, and sleep — you will feel the consequences both mentally and physically.
We are introverts. We were built to quarantine. We just have to get a little creative when we are locked down with our beloved families.
