Let’s talk about childhood abuse. Why? Because it is often an issue that is glossed over. It is like the aunt that no one talks about at the family reunion. Her existence is known, but everyone is too scared or too uninvolved to talk about it. I will not be silent any longer. Childhood abuse has ramifications far beyond that child’s immediate future. It extends onto adulthood and strangles the life out of any healthy relationship that has miraculously been formed. Here’s why. Often times neglect results in codependency. An incessant need for validation. In layman’s terms mommy and /or daddy issues. This is due to the amygdala. Codependency is a survival tool. Children who survive abuse generally do so because they have learned to read emotions, and do everything within their power to anticipate and avoid a negative reaction. This can culminate in wanting to “fix” a problem immediately even to their own detriment. Another unfortunate tool caused by neglect and abuse is the ability to rationalize abuse. To turn inwards and say…yeah. I deserved it. It was just discipline. I deserved it for talking back. It will make me stronger if I don’t cry. One day, I specifically remember resolving to not show any ounce of pain during a beating, because then perhaps it wouldn’t be as bad, or it would just stop. It didn’t. Children learn early that lying about bruises is better than being honest, because it saves them from being beat again. This cycle is repeated in the child’s adult relationships. When everything they know has been abusive and unstable, they lose the ability to see the red flags. Fear is what they know and in order to adapt your brain just stops registering it. I watched an ex kill my animals and still stayed. I was slowly and steadily abused verbally until she hit me. Multiple times. I still stayed until one day I decided to stop the cycle. And let me tell you, that caused a whole new situation. I felt so stupid. So useless. I blamed myself. And then. Then I looked in the mirror and decided it was my turn to be happy. Some survivors never get that chance. They end up in jail, on drugs, or dead. So. Now that we’ve cleared that up. Go hug your kid. Tell them you love them. Tell them you are proud. And if you are a survivor reading this. Don’t be silent. You have a voice, and if you are too afraid. Use mine.