A Fateful Cookie Recipe

Ingredients

For the cookies:

1 3/4 cups whole wheat pastry flour.

I remember the first time I saw a cookie.

Overcast skies and dying tree leaves bordered my view of the yard of the house I grew up in from ages four to ten. It was fall. Hence the dying leaves and also the overcast skies, although overcast skies can potentially happen pretty much any time of year.

But I didn’t know that. Not really. I was just a dumb kid back then. Back before. Back when then.

1/2 teaspoon baking powder — I recommend aluminum free.

Just so dumb. Such a dumb.

Far too dumb.

1/8 teaspoon baking soda.

I met my husband in middle school, but neither of us knew it at the time. I was too committed to the game. I didn’t have time for love.

1/4 teaspoon kosher salt.

In high school we had some classes together — classes such as art, Spanish, Serman, French, calculus, pre-calculus, algebra, algebra two, geometry, physics, chemistry, chemistry two, English, psychology, English two, English three, athletics.

Physical education, English four, choir, band, more athletics, more band, theatre, theatre three, American history, world history, American government, European history, more physical education, romantic literature, art two, microeconomics, home economics, macroeconomics, environmental science, and also more as well.

1/2 cup unsalted butter — (1 stick), at room temperature.

I was so dumb then.

We were so dumb.

3/4 cup granulated sugar.

When the war started, at first we weren’t sure what we were going to do.

2 tablespoons light cream cheese — (1 ounce) (do not use fat free — you will need 1, 8-ounce brick of cream cheese total for the recipe).

The Korean War (in South Korean Korean: 한국전쟁; Hanja: 韓國戰爭; RR: Hanguk Jeonjaeng, “Korean War”; in North Korean Korean: 조국해방전쟁; Hanja: 祖國解放戰爭; MR: Choguk haebang chŏnjaeng, “Fatherland: Liberation War”; 25 June 1950–27 July 1953)[41][42][c] was a war between North Korea (with the support of China and the Soviet Union) and South Korea (with the support of the United Nations, with the principal support from the United States (US)).

The war began on 25 June 1950 when North Korea invaded South Korea[44][45] following a series of clashes along the border.[46][47]

1 teaspoon pure vanilla extract.

As a product of the Cold War between the Soviet Union and the United States, Korea had been split into two sovereign states in 1948 with the border set at the 38th parallel. A socialist state was established in the north under the communist leadership of Kim Il-sung and a capitalist state in the south under the anti-communist leadership of Syngman Rhee.

Both governments of the two new Korean states claimed to be the sole legitimate government of all of Korea, and neither accepted the border as permanent. The conflict escalated into warfare when North Korean military (KPA) forces-supported by the Soviet Union and China-crossed the border and advanced into South Korea on 25 June 1950.[48]

The United Nations Security Council authorized the formation of the United Nations Command and the dispatch of forces to Korea[49]to repel what was recognized as a North Korean invasion.[50][51] Twenty-one countries of the United Nations eventually contributed to the UN force, with the United States providing around 90% of the military personnel.[52]

1/2 teaspoon freshly grated lemon zest.

After the first two months of war, the ill-equipped and underprepared South Korean Army (ROKA) and the US forces rapidly dispatched to Korea were on the point of defeat, forced back to a small area behind a defensive line known as the Pusan Perimeter. In September 1950, an amphibious UN counter-offensive was launched at Incheon, and cut off many KPA troops in South Korea. Those who escaped envelopment and capture were forced back north. UN forces invaded North Korea in October 1950 and moved rapidly towards the Yalu River-the border with China-but on 19 October 1950, Chinese forces of the People’s Volunteer Army (PVA) crossed the Yalu and entered the war.[48] The surprise Chinese intervention triggered a retreat of UN forces back below the 38th Parallel by late December.

1 large egg — at room temperature.

In these and subsequent battles, Seoul changed hands four times, and the last two years of fighting became a war of attrition, with the front line close to the 38th Parallel.

The war in the air, however, was never a stalemate. North Korea was subject to a massive bombing campaign. Jet fighters confronted each other in air-to-air combat for the first time in history, and Soviet pilots covertly flew in defense of their communist allies.

For the frosting:

7 ounces light cream cheese, — use the remaining cream cheese that you did not put in the cookies above.

The fighting ended on 27 July 1953, when the Korean Armistice Agreement was signed. The agreement created the Korean Demilitarized Zone(DMZ) to separate North and South Korea, and allowed the return of prisoners. However, no peace treaty was ever signed, and the two Koreas are technically still at war, engaged in a frozen conflict.[53][54]

In April 2018, the leaders of North and South Korea met at the DMZ[55] and agreed to work towards a treaty to formally end the Korean War.[56]

And also like MASH.

1–2 teaspoons milk — any kind you like.

When I got the news that he’d kersploded, I didn’t eat cookies for a full year. It was just too painful. And also he could not eat cookies either because he had kersploded in his body.

But not his spirit.

I knew his spirit was unkersploded.

1/2 teaspoon pure vanilla extract.

About 100 grams of gunpowder.

1 cup powdered sugar.

Lavender.

Dirt from the country you were born in.

Amethyst.

Instructions

Preheat the oven to 375 degrees F. Line two baking sheets with parchment paper or a silp-mat.

Clear a couple dozen square feet of contiguous space on the ground. Avoid carpet.

In a medium mixing bowl, whisk together the whole wheat pastry flour, baking powder, baking soda, and salt. Set aside.

Form a pentagram using the gunpowder and lavender mixed together.

In the bowl of a standing mixer fitted with the paddle attachment or a large mixing bowl, cream together the butter, sugar, and cream cheese until light and fluffy, about 3 full minutes, stopping to scrape down the bowl as needed. Beat in the vanilla extract, lemon zest, and egg, stopping to scrape down the bowl again. With the mixer running on low speed, slowly add the flour mixture, beating just until incorporated.

Using your dirt, create ovals which trace the orbit of the inner planets at the current time within the pentagram. It’s ok if they run outside the edges of the pentagram but the bulk of them should be contained within.

With a small cookie scoop or spoon, scoop the dough by tablespoonfuls and roll into a ball. Place 2 inches apart on the prepared baking sheet. With your fingers, lightly press the cookie balls to a 1/4-inch thickness. If the dough is sticky, dampen your fingers slightly.

Place the fruit within the patterns in whatever arrangement feels best, then light that mother up. Just make it pop. There will be smoke.

Bake the cookies for 9 minutes, until the edges barely begin to brown. Let cool on the baking sheet for 5 minutes, then gently transfer to a wire rack to cool completely.

The fruit should remain cool to the touch but seem significantly heavier.

Meanwhile, make the cream cheese frosting: In a medium mixing bowl, beat the cream cheese on medium speed for 2 minutes, until smooth. Reduce the mixer speed to low, beat in 1 teaspoon milk and vanilla extract until combined. With the mixer running gradually add the powdered sugar. Once the powdered sugar is incorporated, increase the mixer speed to high and beat for 1 full minute. Add additional milk, 1 teaspoon at at a time, if you desire a thinner frosting consistency.

Spread the frosting over the cookies, then top with fresh fruit. Enjoy!

Consume the fragments of the soul of my dead husband. I need as many people as possible to do this so that his essence may continue. Please do this.

Make extra and share with friends, family, and even coworkers!

His hands were always so warm and strong yet gentle and also really dirty all the time when he’d hold me and it got my shirt all dirty but I never cared because boy I loved hands.