3 Actions Parents Can Take Today to Improve Their Child’s Subconscious Mind
These simple actions are more powerful than you might think.
How do you talk to yourself inside your head?
Would you say the things you say to yourself to your best friend?
If the answer is “probably not!”, then you likely have a negative internal dialogue, and this my friend, can become rapidly damaging and destructive.
A negative internal dialogue, or negative self-talk, is evident in the way a person lives their life, the actions they take daily, their happiness, and their ability to chase their dreams.
A person who engages in negative self-talk will report feeling stuck in a rut and is usually not living to their full potential!
What most people don’t realise, is that our thoughts are the source of our emotions and our mood, which in turn, impact the actions we take every single day. The conversations we have with ourselves are so powerful that they shape our path forward, or keep us stuck.
So let’s pause and consider where these internal conversations come from…
If you said childhood, then you are not wrong. The scientific answer is our subconscious mind.
Our subconscious mind, which includes the things we believe about ourselves, and the way we speak to ourselves, as well as our opinions, values, and ideas about the world, all begin to form very early on in childhood, primarily from our surroundings.
As an adult, we have significant control over our surroundings. We have the power to choose the people we surround ourselves with, the places we visit, the music we listen to, the video games we play, and the movies we watch.
But children have limited control.
Instead, children rely on their parents and caregivers to control their surroundings and filter the information that is passed into their subconscious mind.
Now, it’s near impossible to filter out every negative message from entering your child’s mind, however, there are a few intentional actions parents can take.
But first, let’s consider two starkly different home environments:
Take, Sam. Sam constantly hears the word “no”. He has been told to “be careful” regularly since birth, and he often hears his parents say “don’t do that, it’s too hard for you, try something else”. When Sam makes a mistake his parents’ actions have unintentionally made him feel useless and incapable.
This repetition of negativity has impacted Sam’s subconscious mind and now at the age of 4, he is already showing signs of a distressing negative internal dialogue. He regularly gets frustrated and angry with himself, he says “I can’t!” often, and is no longer willing to try new things.
When Sam enters school he will likely find this new environment overwhelming and stressful. Sam’s behaviour in the classroom will probably reflect his internal anxiety and he may commence school already disengaged.
Jack, however, has had quite the opposite experience. Jack has been encouraged to explore and adventure since birth. He has regularly heard his parents say “I know you can do it” and “I’m here if you need help”. When Jack makes a mistake his parents’ have been careful to encourage and remind Jack that mistakes mean that he is still learning. Instead of the word “no”, Jack’s parents have used positive redirection statements such as “the trampoline is for jumping, you are welcome to go outside and jump there”.
At 4 years old, Jack is demonstrating signs of being empowered with self-confidence and often says “don’t help me, I can do it!”. Jack is ready to commence school and can’t wait to be challenged by new activities.
When we consider these two children, Jack’s environment has successfully nurtured positive self-talk. Sam’s environment, however, has unintentionally cultivated negative self-talk, and now Sam’s internal dialogue is that he is not capable.
Moving forward, it will be much easier for Jack’s parents to maintain his positive self-talk and motivation to learn, than it will be for Sam’s parents to reverse his mindset.
Thankfully though, neuroplasticity means that the brain is mouldable and Sam can still unlearn his negative internal dialogue, however, it will take time, focus, and consistency to get him back on track.
So, what can you do today?
- Start by removing negative messages from your child’s surroundings, including TV shows they watch, the music they listen to and video games they play. This doesn’t mean eradicating all of these things, instead be intentional about choosing those with powerful, positive and uplifting messages for your child to engage with.
- Develop an intentional positive dialogue with your child. Reflect on the language you currently use with and about your child. Identify the areas you tend to default to using critical language such as “You are so naughty!”, “Gosh, why do you always make a mess!”, “Why can’t you do anything right!”, or “You’re so stupid, you can’t even put your own shoes on!”, and replace these with positive statements. Some positive examples include, “I can see you are still learning how to behave and that is okay because I am here to help you”, “Wow, you have been doing lots of learning, let’s clean up your work together”, “Some tasks can feel really tricky but I know you can do it and I am here to support you”.
- Be aware of your tone of voice and the actions you take in your own life. Avoid talking negatively about yourself and instead, let your child see you practice using empowering language. Daily affirmations are a great place to start.
For more Mindset Focused Parenting tips, strategies and ideas follow me on Instagram @mindtraction_themindsetmama.
