7 Important Conversations to Have Before the Birth of a Baby
Having a baby is very stressful. Here is what you might want to talk about before the baby is born.
Having a baby is one of the most stressful times in a person's life. Even when the baby is wanted and the parents have done all the research they can. Nothing can really prepare you for having this little person that relies on you completely 24/7. It’s an awesome responsibility and it can get overwhelming fast. So, here are seven conversations that couples should have before the baby is born to help diminish that stress.
Self-care
Self-care is commonly talked about these days. There are many different ways people go about performing self-care. It’s extremely important to take care of yourself. However, when you have a newborn, it can be hard to think about yourself when there is this little person who needs you. While it may be hard to find time for yourself both parents need to make time to do something for themselves. It doesn’t have to be something elaborate or for a long time. A bubble bath with a face mask would work as self-care if that’s what helps that person relax. It could also include going to the gym, taking an uninterrupted nap, or doing a loved hobby. The important thing to take away from this is that both parents will need time for self-care, in whatever way they see fit for themselves. This is something that needs to be talked about before the baby is born. How will the parents go about scheduling self-care for themselves? Things get busy fast with a newborn, and eventually, one or both parents might need to return to work. This can make scheduling self-care even harder. The best way to prepare for this would be to try and make a rough schedule ahead of time. Leaving room for adjustments after the baby is born.
Building a support system
They say it takes a village to raise a child and while we may not have a village, it’s still important to build a solid support system. It may not always be possible, especially with this last year, but the expecting parents should find whatever support people that work for them. A support system can be parents, friends, grandparents, co-workers, or other community members. By planning it ahead of time, the new parents can address several challenges of new parenthood. They can arrange a schedule for who they want to visit first and how soon after delivery, arrange for people to bring them meals, have them help with housework, or help with older children. They can also be a shoulder to talk to during the difficult newborn stage. When building the support system, it’s important to try and obtain help from those who will actually want to help and those who will be able to provide good emotional support. You want to look for those who will help you after the birth, not just those who want to come over and hold the baby all day.
Grandparents roles and boundaries
Almost everyone loves new babies. Of course, that’s not the case with every person but there are still lots of people who go crazy over them. Some of the people who can be the most excited are grandparents and other relatives. While this can be a good thing and they can prove to be an important part of a great support system. It can be overwhelming at first or even not necessary depending on the grandparent. Some grandparents get so excited about a new baby that they end up stomping over the parent's wishes. It can be hard for some grandparents to accept how the new parents want to raise their child and they can overstep in certain areas. Before the baby is born, couples need to have serious conversations with each other about what both sets of grandparents will be doing. Are overnight visits okay with the newborn, will they be allowed to have a say in certain areas of the baby’s life? Will they listen to what the parents want for the child? It’s important to have these questions and more answered ahead of time.
Dealing with sleep deprivation
Everyone says “sleep now while you can” when you are pregnant. While that particular phrase isn’t something most expecting parents want to hear, it shows that most people know that you will get very little sleep with a new baby. It can be hard to deal with normal everyday tasks when you are sleep-deprived. Even simple chores feel like the most complicated tasks. Being sleep-deprived makes most people more irritable and can lead to fighting and depression. Before the birth of a new baby, the parents should have a discussion about how they can deal with sleep deprivation. Will one parent take over most of the housework and baby care while the other sleeps, and then switch so that everyone can get a turn to sleep? Will the parents request help from family or friends? It’s important to develop a plan ahead of time for when sleep deprivation happens because it will happen.
Nighttime feedings
Newborns need to feed every 2–3 hours depending on the baby. This includes nighttime hours. Feeding a baby every couple of hours can get exhausting fast. Before the baby is born, the couple should think about how they want to handle these feedings. If they are formula feeding, one parent could get up with the baby one night, and the next night the other parent can get up with the baby. Or if that doesn’t work a different schedule can be tailored to the individual families' needs.
If the baby is breastfed, it can be a bit harder to create a nighttime feeding schedule. Most mothers need to breastfeed often in the first few weeks to make sure they maintain a supply. However, once the supply has been established the mom could try pumping breastmilk for the baby to have at night. This still might be a problem because the mother will still need to pump when the baby is being fed a bottle but maybe she can go a longer stretch of time between pumping sessions. With communication from the couple, a good system for their family can be worked out.
Partners role in daily care
Traditionally, mothers have and still do most of the daily care of the newborn. This is not always the case today and it shouldn’t be assumed by either partner that the mother will do most of the work. To avoid any confusion or fights in the future the parents should discuss who will do which tasks and when before the baby arrives. Will one parent be in charge of baths or do most of the diaper changes? Will the other focus on feeding the baby and getting the baby to sleep? Tasks don’t have to be divided equally, whatever works for the household is a good plan. This is something that does need to be discussed before the baby is born though. This way one parent won’t feel like they are doing all the work with the baby and the other isn’t doing anything. When one parent feels this way, it’s easy for fights or bitterness to pop up.
How to identify if help is needed
Not everyone is vocal about needing help. Some people like to hide it and just bottle everything up inside. This, of course, isn’t good because it leads to increased stress and more negative feelings. If you are one of those people that bottles everything up, then a good conversation to have before having the baby is how your partner can identify if you need help. Do you have some kind of tell when you are stressed out? For me, I tend to not talk about my stress and it’s something I’ve been working on. But my husband always knows when I’m stressed because I always answer questions in one-word sentences. Being able to identify when the other person needs help will greatly improve the initial newborn period.
Conclusion
Having a baby is extremely hard and getting used to having that baby in the first few weeks is especially hard. With good communication and planning, parents can make it just a bit easier. Talking about the things I’ve mentioned in this article can go a long way in helping parents prepare for their new baby.
