Avoid Blaming and Criticizing Children-Parenting Guide

Avoid blaming, criticizing, or finding fault because doing so may hurt children self-esteem and cause them to become furious.

Afzal Badshah, PhD
A Parent Is Born
Published in
3 min readJan 14


Photo by Tanaphong Toochinda on Unsplash

The retired teacher was attending a program when a young man came to him and introduced himself, saying, “I have been your student and was so inspired by you that I too became a teacher to teach my generation to reform as you did.” The teacher asked him, “What inspired you?”

The young man replied, “Sir, when I was in third grade, a watch was stolen from the class and you had all the children line up and search for it with their eyes closed. After you got the watch back, it was given back to the child it belonged to. That watch came out of my pocket; I was the thief. I expected you to scold me, ignore me, and ignore my studies, but I didn’t feel anything negative like that. It looks like you didn’t know I was the thief; the watch was recovered by me.” The aged teacher replied,

“Son, how did I know? When I was searching for the children, I also had my eyes closed so that when I found the watch, I would not recognize the child who stole the watch and it would not affect my teaching. This is called training.

When you speak to your child, avoid accusing, condemning, or finding fault because doing so may hurt their self-esteem and cause them to become furious. When children get negative messages about themselves, their self-esteem suffers. It is easy to become enraged when your child misbehaves, but this is wrong. Ignoring unpleasant behaviour and focusing on positive behaviour is a wise choice.

When parents blame or criticize children, they forget about their mistakes. Although parents want to criticize so that the child knows about his mistake and be careful in the future. Instead of focusing on his mistake, he starts to feel inferior and resents the behaviour of adults. We should take some positive steps so that he learns from this mistake and does not repeat it in future.

Remember that it is not your child’s fault that you are angry or critical of him. A mistake is a different behaviour that can be corrected. Look at the child and the mistake separately.

Photo by Charlein Gracia on Unsplash

Mothers often use a phrase at home — “I will tell your dad”. She scares children in the name of the father and creates a soft corner in the child’s heart. The father is often not as aware and he is also happy to see and hear that the children are afraid of him or that he has control in the home. However, these are destructive words and attitudes. A wrong image of the father is created in the mind of the child, which is not correct. Secondly, they have a very bad effect on the upbringing of the child.

If you have been raising children by inherited parenting, which methods are good and which methods are harmful to children?


A comprehensive guide on parenting and schooling by Dr. Afzal Badshah

Parenting and Schooling-A Comprehensive Guide​

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Afzal Badshah, PhD
A Parent Is Born

Dr Afzal Badshah focuses on academic skills, pedagogy (teaching skills) and life skills.