Bedtimes are Important (and Not Just for Little Kids)
If you don’t believe me follow the science.
“My kids don’t have a bedtime.” “They sleep when they’re tired.” “Bedtime is a Social Construct.”
No bedtime? They tell you when they are tired? It’s a social construct?
What?? When this popped up on my feed I did a double take. Felt like an old fashioned dinosaur of a parent. Then looked at the science and let out a sigh of relief. Nowhere does research hint at letting your child pick their bedtime. It stresses the need for enough sleep. Even for teenagers.
Well…they need sleep but do they really need a bedtime? Absolutely!
Bedtime is necessary for children big and small, because it gives them structure, sets up a routine, and allows them to get enough hours of sleep during the night which helps keep them healthy emotionally and physically during the day.
What does the science say?
Sufficient sleep is a gift.
Instilling regular sleep habits and expecting children to go to bed at a normal time is not a punishment.
It is a gift you give your child.
Sufficient sleep allows children to be emotionally and academically ready to take on the day by benefitting their memory and brain development, emotional health, immune system, and much more.
Depending on their age they need anywhere from eight (in later childhood) to fourteen (in toddler years) hours with a good balance of deep sleep but as the night progresses children’s sleep is less restful with shorter periods of deep, restful sleep. Many teenagers actually need more sleep than they did when they were preteens as they go through a second developmental stage of cognitive maturation.
Getting children into a sleep routine helps them maintain a healthy social/ emotional balance by helping them feel safe and secure in their surrounding and giving them a sense of stability and structure. Especially during a pandemic or a crisis when so many things are out of their control giving children a routine allows them a familiarity with what will happen at the end of the day.
Insufficient sleep is not a gift.
On the flip side insufficient sleep affects children’s overall wellbeing in a negative way and studies have linked a lack of sleep to a variety of health issues from neurobehavioral to physical. Allowing your child to stay up late at night might be easier or feel kind but in the long term it may be causing them harm.
Lack of sleep affects everything from the prefrontal cortex, to the amygdala; the parts of the brain that have to do with decision making, social interactions, and emotional health affecting children’s mood and behavior. Lack of sleep affects that part of their brain that keeps children socially and emotionally balanced, healthy, happy, and ready to take on the world. Even years later when children have emotional and behavioral issues these have been linked with insufficient sleep in their early toddler years.
Lack of sleep has such a strong affects on the brain that research has begun to link it to ADHD, now questioning whether certain cases of ADHD are being misdiagnosed in kids who are just overly tired.
Lack of sleep has also been linked to obesity and research shows children may be 2.9 times more likely to be obese if they engage in “short sleep” than children who sleep eleven hours. One extra hour of sleep a night can make a difference as does going to sleep earlier rather than sleeping in. In longitudinal studies children who lack sleep earlier in childhood run the risk of obesity in young adulthood.
I understand we are in a pandemic. We are trying to understand our children and what the pandemic is doing to them emotionally. Everything is so different. They don’t get to see their friends. They have to wear masks everywhere. They miss out on school. They are stuck at home. So we feel guilty. We become lax with expectations.
That’s ok.
It’s ok to relax expectations sometimes. But a bedtime benefits your child and helps them feel safe. Sleep itself helps them deal with the feelings and emotions they are experiencing because of the pandemic. If by getting more sleep your child is better able to cope with their feelings, do better in school, feel more social around their friends, or have a better relationship with you then good bedtime habits should be a priority.
Yes, children want to stay up. Sometimes to test your boundaries, sometimes because it is so late they have become overly tired and sometimes because they just plain can’t fall asleep. But that doesn’t mean they aren’t tired. Sleep is affected by stress, their environment, electronics, and other variables. Children need a bedtime. Even teenage children.
Help your child with their bedtime by making it as pleasant, relaxing, and calming as you can by modeling the behavior you want to see, turning off electronics an hour or two before bed, and maintaining a routine. Routines help queue your children to the fact that it is time for bed and put them in a more sleepy mood thereby making bedtime special. Maybe you have a favorite book you only read at bedtime or maybe you are very busy during the day and this is a special hour that you have where they can chat and tell you stories and have your full undivided attention. Have an open discussion with your older children as well and come to an understanding that works for both of you. Remove electronics form their room and have a special spot they are in for the morning. If they pout (and all ages pout) tell them how you can’t wait to get to sleep yourself because it is helpful for your own body and how much better you feel in the morning, even your teenager looks to you for guidance. Your child picks up on your queues and the behavior you model you will instill. Plus an optimistic, calm, relaxed parent helps a child feel secure and fall asleep more comfortably and sleep more soundly.
So next time your child complains about their bedtime give them a hug, guide them to bed, read them a book, let them read their own, or just listen to what they have to say… you are the parent and they adore and love you. So raise them happy and secure… and start by giving them a bedtime!
