First Fifty Days with Our Son

And the lessons I am learning from him.

Honestly, I’d hoped this draft would be complete by the time our son completed his 1st month; but the past few weeks have been so fast, they appear to be one long day! As our son is completing 7 weeks today, I decided to finalize this post for his milestone of 50 days.

I am writing this post mostly as a journal entry because writing is therapeutic. Also, even though we are clicking millions of pictures of our son, there are so many moments that happen when we are not ready with our cameras.

I want to use this article to reminisce our experiences later, to take other parents down the memory lane from their journeys and to shed some light for anxious dads of future so they know what they will be dealing with.

Lesson#1 — I am stronger than I think

Being the person who falls unconscious during blood tests, I always thought I could never be in the labor room without being a liability. I’d be better off in hallways of Labour & Delivery rather than falling unconscious watching my wife in agony or seeing her blood in labor room.

However, that attitude changed during our pregnancy and I decided to be there in the labor room. And, I have surprised both myself and my wife. Not only was I conscious throughout her long labor of over 40 hours; but I was also encouraging my wife to push, with my one hand pulling her knee and the other hand pushing her shoulder-blades. When the nurses announced crowning, I stooped to see our baby covered in vernix emerge out of her body in a pool of blood & amniotic fluid.

I had been dreading this very moment ever since we entered the family planning era; but now I am glad I was there for that blissful experience. It was indeed the most beautiful moment to witness our son’s arrival. I also believe it was him who imparted the dad-power in me and made me stronger.

Of course, the strength demonstrated by my wife trumps mine for bringing our son into this world.

Lesson#2 — First few weeks are all about the feeds

The basic necessities of a human are food, clothing & shelter. The first few weeks with my son have convinced me that food is first on that list for a reason. He has tried to suck milk from whatever is offered; whether it’s his mom’s breasts, formula bottles or my pinky.

I’ve learnt that breastfeeding is NOT always as easy as mommies pretend it to be. I want to send a loud shout-out to show respect & appreciate all the women who breastfeed their children. I have also realized that there is still a lot of stigma around discussing breastfeeding challenges even in this modern age that needs to change. But I will save that argument for another time.

Also, that doesn’t mean formula feeding is easy. Choosing not to breastfeed is not an easy decision. Whether you’re using ready-to-feed bottles or mixing water in the powder, you never know when to be ready with how much formula. And, keeping the nipples & bottles sterile is yet another anxiety trip.

The most important lesson about food that I have learnt from my son is that we need to eat only as much is required to fill our tummy. We do not need to eat more food than what is required for metabolism. Once his tummy is full, he’ll simply shut his lips tight and look away in disinterest.

Lesson#3 — First few weeks are also about the shits

Healthcare for infants demands parents to measure inputs & outputs. Also, the pediatricians will ask more questions about outputs than inputs. We must keep track of color, consistency, frequency, quantity and any other parameter that can be thought of for baby’s pees & poops.

Our son has gone a full week without pooping, even after trying all the remedies recommended by his doctors. It is like he wanted to follow a routine to empty his bowels only on Saturdays. And when that happened, the poo exploded from his diaper on Saturdays into my hands, onto my pants and my bed.

There was one night when he kept crying and wouldn’t calm down; no matter what soothing techniques my wife tried. She finally placed him in my lap to take a break; and boom, he emptied his bowels, making me his personal toilet. It is weird how memorable & gratifying this milestone was.

I have also learnt that some boys outgrow newborn diapers sooner; and it is not because they grow faster. It is because if the pee-pee points upwards, the boy will piss upward on his belly rather than inside his diaper; causing his shirts to be wet and leaving the diapers dry. The only solution is to use a bigger diaper so the absorbent core can catch the pee even with penis pointing upward.

Lesson#4 — The concept(s) of time & sleep

The journey of parenthood is rewarding, definitely at the cost of time & sleep. It is advised to sleep when the baby sleeps. However, when the baby sleeps, you also have to cook, clean, shower, shop, have the next feed ready and run other errands. Any amount of personal time (if found at all) feels like a blessing, but not for long since we tend to miss the baby.

The first few weeks with a new baby are hectic, and now that we have spent some time with our son I cannot imagine why they would not be. He is adjusting to life outside the womb; learning to sleep, breathe, feed and poop on his own. We are establishing our relationship with this new person; learning and trying to satisfy his needs. Initially we had no idea what we were doing; I even questioned, how am I legally allowed to take care of my baby. But, by day 50 we now have a baby that intermittently smiles, coos and kicks at our gimmicks. Either it’s our gimmicks or he’s just starting to explore his facial muscles.

After having an exhausting day with infinite cycles of feeding & putting our son to sleep, I once woke up in the middle of the night to check on him. He was still sleeping in his crib; only his feet were on the pillow where his head should have been and the rest of his body was covered under the blanket. I immediately pulled off the blanket from other end of his body so he doesn’t suffocate further. I was astounded to see that the other end of his torso was also feet, and there was no head. That startled me to wake up and realize I was having a nightmare; the impact sleep deprivation could have.

Lesson#5 — It takes a village to raise a child

My wife & I are extremely fortunate to have my mother-in-law helping us with the baby. Having had two babies of her own and helped with several others in the family, she brings in expert knowledge and hands-on experience in handling babies.

During the first few weeks, our master bedroom had transformed into a spa-cum-dining-room-cum-bedroom; we were massaging the baby, eating and sleeping in the same room. Nobody had the time or energy to use the other rooms. However, with the baby growing and becoming less fragile, we are now back to watching TV in family room, eating in dining room and sleeping in bedroom.

• Lesson-5.1: Routine is key: Sure, our son is the boss, and we must meet all his demands. But my mother-in-law has taught us that babies need to be trained by making a routine. Of course, it was hard at first; but babies learn fast. In only 50 days, our son now knows when it’s time to sleep, eat, massage, bathe & play. So much, that if his grandma isn’t in our bedroom by the time she is supposed to, he’ll keep staring at the bedroom door and smile when she is finally here.
• Lesson-5.2: Not all cries are the same: Unfortunately, the only way our son can communicate with us is by crying; and it doesn’t always mean that he his hungry. His crying could mean he is either hungry or sleepy or tired or gassy or uncomfortable or bored or anything else. We have now figured out that he has a different tone of crying for all the above. For example, if he grunts while crying, it means he wants to poop, but can’t do so until I massage his tummy. At times, it’s a different cry from what we have learnt so far, and we are back to square one.
• Lesson-5.3: Not everything works all the time: As new parents in modern age, we find ourselves asking Google everything: why is our son breathing so fast, why is he breathing so slow, why is he gassy, what is this rash, the list goes on. We get our answer most of the times, sometimes we get more than one answers. Also, there are times when the answers we get do not help. At times, the answer that helped yesterday may not help today.
• Lesson-5.4: Advice can come from anywhere: All our friends and family wish well for our son, and understand the challenges of handling a newborn. Therefore, they share their learnings with us so we do not have to reinvent the wheel. And, I am extremely thankful to all of them. However, I was flabbergasted to find out that advice to new parents can come from strangers too. As I was loading a crate of ready-to-feed formula bottles in the trunk of our car, a passerby in parking lot mentioned “please do not take me wrong, but don’t get your baby used to formula milk.” And, he walked away.
• Lesson-5.5: Babies can’t be spoiled or maybe they can: Some parenting blogs say babies can’t be spoiled, and we must hold them whenever they want to be held. Some blogs advise this may spoil the baby. My take is, if it spoils him, so be it. I must love him every way I can because he would not be this little for long time.

As our son turns 50 days old, he still appears to be on the eat, sleep, repeat mode; yet he’s learning something new every day, from discovering his tiny fingers & toes to learning hand-eye coordination and motor skills. At the same time, he is also teaching us so much and giving us plenty to smile about. I hope I’m able to stay up, jotting down all the memories we make as he grows. And, I hope I turn out to be a fine father.