How Can I Get My Dad to Stop Hugging Me?
Expressing affection doesn’t have to mean giving up agency.
Dear Other Dad —
I’m having an issue with one of my dads. He knows I don’t like to give hugs, but he thinks that rule applies only to people outside our family and that I should still hug him. I told him when I was 10 that I’m not a hugger (I’m 15 now). Sometimes he’ll listen but mostly not. His family is very touchy — like his mom still pats him on the butt even though he’s 50. So I know why he thinks physical affection is important. But what about private space?
— Hands Off
When my daughter was 12, my ex-husband and I signed her up for a program called Our Whole Lives (OWL), a weekly sexuality education class led by our local Unitarian Universalist church. We wanted her to learn how to take care of her body, make good choices, and understand sex from multiple angles, including physical and spiritual. One of the topics the class covered was agency, which is the issue you and your dad are…
