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How To Become A More Selfish Parent
It’s hard telling people you don’t want to have kids. They look at you suspicious, eyebrows arched up nearly into their hairlines. It feels impossible telling people I can imagine a life (just as beautiful, just as meaningful), in which I never had the kids that are currently fighting over who has to scrub the crusty dinner pots. And that in my current life I deeply enjoy, crave, and revel in the childless spaces I create. Suddenly, sharply, the suspicion turns to disgust.
What the hell is wrong with you? You don’t deserve to be a parent! I feel sorry for your kids. Do you know how many people try desperately to have children? You’re so ungrateful. How do you think your kids are going to feel if they ever read this? What would you say to them if they ever found out?
The other day I teared up because my 14-year-old and I stood back to back in front of the microwave and the reflection unambiguously showed they are now officially taller than me. The pancake in my throat, the hot tears welling, the rush of warmth, all telling me these babies are growing up which is the absolute worst best thing. They are lanky, smelly, awkward halflings, not quite grown-ups, but almost. They are learning to drive and getting raises at their part-time jobs for being good workers while trashing the entire kitchen at home every time they as much as make a sandwich. They slam doors…
