Imperfect Parenting
There is immense pressure on parents to feel like they are doing everything perfectly well for their children.
Now more than ever there is immense pressure on parents to feel like they are doing everything perfectly well for their children. There is a copious amount of information out there from “experts” focusing on parenting advice and advising you on how to raise your children flawlessly. And that’s not counting, sometimes unsolicited, advice from well-intentioned family, friends, neighbors, and even perfect strangers weighing in on how you parent.
Here is a revolutionary idea for you: when it comes to parenting — and I am sure it’s valid for many other things — it’s okay not to be perfect. Aiming for perfection makes many people frustrated, discouraged, stressed, and likely to experience feelings of failure … frequently. Hardly an ideal to strive for isn’t it?
I hope you have gathered already that my aim isn’t to give you parenting advice. I am sure you are doing an amazing job as it is now, and should you require a friendly ear to regain your sanity and gain a new level of parenting confidence, do set up a call with me today.
Here are 4 sanity checks that have worked for many parents I had the pleasure of coaching over the years.
Listen to YOUR Instincts — Before taking other’s advice
As parents, we are never in short supply of opinions on how parenting techniques, some requested, many unsolicited. Whilst it — mostly — comes from a good place in their heart, what matters the MOST is what you feel is right for your child. There is something to be said for motherly (and fatherly) instinct, so when you’re overwhelmed by hearing a different piece of advice from every person in your life, take a moment to stop and listen to yourself.
Trust your gut and parent your child(ren) in the way that feels right for you and your family.
Take “expert” parenting with a pinch of salt!
Parenting advice has become an industry, and while having access to endless books, blogs, and articles can be helpful sometimes, all of this information can become overwhelming. If you do a simple search of “parenting books” on Amazon, you’ll get more than 60,000 results!
Whilst having access to so many valuable parenting experiences is of value, I would like to point out that our child(ren) aren’t necessarily behaving like the book, the expert said it would; which for me, led to many overthinking and questioning about my parenting technique and or my child (ren). I got out of that vicious circle by reminding myself that until I had my child(ren), no book was ever written about them specifically. I’d like to think that parenting, is like writing a book customized for each of our child(ren), every day! What have you put in yours to date?
You are still You!
Being a parent is mostly a very positive experience for many. Positive, fulfilling, encompassing, and all-consuming is the words I head the most at My Life Couch. However, I always encourage parents to still be them, you know the person inside of you, that still has dreams, hope, and aspirations that are not automatically revolving around parenthood? That person is at the core of every role you are assuming in your life, no matter how many hats you are wearing on a given day. Take good care of that core, recharge your batteries daily and go and be not only your child(ren) role model in living a mindful life- self-care is a good example to set for everyone around you!- but also the good parent that you are already!
Ask for help!
This might be the hardest for some of us. Asking for help. And accepting that respite, even if it’s not fitting our standards 100%. If the child is safe and loved, we can look the other way for a little while.
We might have bought at some point into the myth of “it’s possible to have it all, with a smile” where parents maintain a spotless home, with oh so ever well-behaved kids, cooking healthy and very good looking meals from scratch EVERY DAY and being overachievers in whatever they choose to invest in. Well, that certainly isn’t my reality and that of many of my coaching clients. We acknowledge and embrace our good and not-so-good days and are not always cooperative child(ren). We are crafting memories and experiences to reminisce about them fondly, in the future.
As a working parent, you need support both at work and at home to make it, well work. Ask and accept help from friends, and family and maintain an open dialog with your organization, if you work in the corporate world. I encourage you to surround yourself with people — and create processes — that help you in your time of need! And embrace the beauty of raising your child in a community of loved ones.
Delegation is fast becoming working parents’ best superpowers.
Parenting is a very personal process, and no one is doing it 100% right. It’s time for us to let go of the notion that the perfect parent exists and embrace the beauty of being a non-perfect parent.
