A Parent Is Born
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A Parent Is Born

Is It Worth Staying In A Relationship Because He Is A Good Man?

What is a good man anyway?

Photo by Foto Pettine on Unsplash

I asked a good friend once why she was getting married. She told me because he was a good man. She took a sip of her coffee, and I looked at her waiting for her to tell me more — dead silence. We stared at each other for 30 seconds. She had that confused look on her face. “Well, what else?” I asked. She just smiled. I rolled my eyes.

I know women who stay in the relationship because the guy is a “good guy,” but what is a good guy anyway? Are there standard criteria of what a good guy means? The term “good guy” is too generalized. A husband can be a good guy but not fully supportive of his wife in all aspects of their married life, like childcare and house chores. A boyfriend can be a good guy but criticizes his girlfriend for her choice of clothes. A man can be a good guy but is too lazy to throw the trash outside.

Call me picky, but I want to see wholeness in a person before being in a relationship with him.

Photo by sept commercial on Unsplash

He has to be stable.

I don’t mean just financially stable. A man who intends to get married and raise a family must be mentally and emotionally stable. A father is a pillar that holds a family together. Without that stability, the family falls.

He has to be strong

I don’t mean physically. My late father was a perfect example of strength. He kept going amid difficulty; I saw him go through it even through the cracks. I saw him battle stage 4 prostate cancer. Although strength also means a lot to mothers, there is something about seeing strength in fathers that fires up the family.

He has to take responsibility and accountability

He has to accept his mistakes, apologize and learn from them. Everybody makes mistakes, but some men have too much ego to accept them. It’s not a sign of weakness to admit that you are at fault.

He has to have a feminine side

I was listening to a podcast about radical awakening, explaining that each of us has male and female qualities that should interact with each other. It does not mean we have to change genders. It means men have to learn the natural qualities of women: empathy, compassion, and kindness.

He supports you

He has to be supportive in all aspects, especially in careers. Many men get intimidated by strong, successful women because of nothing else but ego. For women to be told by men to clip their wings if they fly too high is not manly.

Photo by Kelly Sikkema on Unsplash

What I wrote is not a list of what I look for in a guy. These attributes are what I will teach my son to prepare him to become a better man. These men and women stereotypes are no longer relevant. Both male and female characteristics should be connected in a person. Through this marriage of masculinity and feminism, we will see a positive change in the world.

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Maria Abellana

Maria Abellana

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Professionally, I am a freelance writer and blogger. But one thing trumps them all: Motherhood