Kids Are Worth It
… just because.
If we have not looked at our own parenting philosophy, we won’t be able to separate the good from the bad, we won’t be able to challenge with conviction the way it always has been, or to reject such invalid promises as if it was good enough for me it’s good enough for my children.
Just because it works doesn’t make it good. It must work and leave the child and my own dignity intact.
Kids are worth it because they are children and for no other reason. They have dignity and worth simply because they are. They don’t need to prove their value as human beings, they don’t have to prove their worthiness to us, nor do they have to earn our affection. Our love for them cannot be conditional, although our likes and dislikes can be.
Our love for them does have to be something they count on something they know will always be there even when they are in trouble.
If we want to raise children who have a strong sense of inner discipline, who don’t act merely to please someone or to avoid punishment but will behave and responsible and compassionate way towards themselves and others because it is the right thing to do, then we must abandon tried and true parenting tools of the past and reject some of the more recent alternatives. Too often children are treated as the property of adults, to be abused by those bigger than themselves. Under the guise of discipline, physical and emotional violence towards children is legitimized and sanctioned.
The pain and suffering experienced by children who have been physically punished resonates through time, first during the seemingly endless days and nights of childhood and adolescence, and later through the lives we lead us adults. The feeling is generated by the pain caused by adults assaults against children are mostly repressed, forgotten or denied, but they never actually disappear. Everything remains recorded in our innermost being, and the effects of punishment permeate our lives, our thoughts, and our daily world.
When children hear constant criticism and put downs, they begin to see themselves as not good enough or just plain bad. I believe that for the first time in our history we have the tools necessary to break the cycle of dysfunction, abuse, and neglect.
Powerful teachers and parents do not attempt to control their children with bribes, threats, punishments, or awards, all of which can backfire. In fact, they don’t attempt to control their children at all. Often the result of control is either that the kids become submissive, obedient, and compliant, or they go the opposite extreme and rebel against any and all authority.
Journal Prompt:
Reflect on where in your parenting journey you have found yourself trying to change your child to your ideal version of them.
