“Mom, I’m going to beat you to death!” When a child is in a bad mood, it is the best opportunity to discipline him.
Dealing with your child’s bad moods is more important than dealing with things.
Only by first helping children to get rid of bad emotions and then educating them can children grow.
Before the Chinese New Year, I went to a toy store to pick out a gift. Places like toy stores have always been a hotbed of parent-child conflict.
Sure enough, when I arrived, a little boy about 5 years old was crying with snot and tears.
“I want this Ultraman! I want it!”
My mother tried to dissuade her softly: “We already have two at home, so I won’t buy this one.”
When the boy heard this, he immediately became furious. He howled and lay on the ground, crying and shouting: “Bad mother, bad mother, I will beat you to death!”
Mom, who had been quite restrained before, was obviously irritated now.
She picked up the child and dragged her out, while scolding: “I’ve rebelled against you, leave now!”
The little boy was already crying sadly, but his mother’s dragging made him lose control even more. He threw himself on her and pulled her clothes frantically…
For parents, it is inevitable that their children will have tantrums and bad moods.
These emotions are indeed easily upsetting, but they are not “scourges” and are not deliberately threatened by the child.
On the contrary, all emotions are words expressed by children through actions.
When we understand this, we will find that when children are in a bad mood, it is the best opportunity for education.
Bad emotions are expressed through behavioral language
Many parents are troubled. Why do their children lose control of their emotions so easily?
In fact, it is a child’s instinct to express feelings through behavior.
Child education expert Kimberly Braine mentioned in “You Are Your Child’s Best Toy”:
“Children have an innate, natural instinct to pursue all their desires. But their physical and emotional development exceeds their ability to communicate.”
In other words, children will be very angry when they are rejected or encounter setbacks, but they will not express their dissatisfaction.
Therefore, they can only rely on physical instincts, such as crying, yelling, losing temper, etc., to express their inner struggles.
Through the appearance of a child’s tantrum, we will find that every emotion hides the child’s inner language.
Many times, we think our children are unreasonable, but in their eyes, they are just very angry, disappointed and unhappy.
At this time, if parents cannot understand their children’s feelings and blindly reprimand and suppress them, their children’s emotions will become even more out of control.
Emotions themselves are not good or bad.
For keen parents, when their children are in “bad” moods, it is precisely when they really see their children.
All bad emotions will flow to different exits
A child’s bad mood makes it really difficult for people to stay calm.
It may remind us of our frustrations, or it may wear away our patience with discipline.
Sometimes, we may be more out of control and irritable than our children, and we hope that our children will calm down quickly.
Not allowing the expression of negative emotions has become the norm in many families.
However, emotions have memories.
These hidden anger, grievances and unhappiness can only flow to two exits in the end:
Either it is buried in the heart and cannot be happy in self-repression;
Or find other ways to vent and find a balance in violence.
When a child dares to express his emotions, there is no need to shift or hide them. Such children are healthy inside.
When a bad mood occurs, it is the best time for education
Emotions themselves are multi-faceted, with joy and sadness, excitement and fear.
When a child is in a bad mood, it is also the best time to guide the child to learn to deal with the emotion.
The book “Cultivating Children with High Emotional Intelligence” points out that parents can master these three stages in teaching children to learn to control their emotions.
1. When emotions begin, it means listening and accepting
There are signs of children’s emotions. Being aware of the child’s emotions, listening attentively and expressing acceptance to the child can establish a good communication connection at the beginning.
Otherwise, children who are not understood will easily lose control further.
I read a news story about a little boy who refused to brush his teeth. The mother tried to persuade him to no avail, so she simply held down the child’s head and forced him to brush his teeth.
Presumably the boy must have resisted fiercely before his mother made such a move.
On the surface, the problem of brushing his teeth has been solved, but the boy’s resistance to brushing his teeth has never disappeared.
Instead of forcing, it is better to accept the child’s resistance and understand the psychology behind it.
For example: “You don’t want to brush your teeth, is it because you haven’t played enough?” or “I see that you don’t want to brush your teeth, is it because you feel uncomfortable?”
The more emotional your child is, the better the time to communicate.
Because emotions are actually a “help” signal that helps us see the feelings that children cannot express.
2. When emotions are intense, help children express themselves reasonably.
Children have the instinct to perceive emotions, but initially they do not understand the meaning of emotions.
Therefore, once you feel frustrated, you will cry, fight, or even hurt yourself.
At this time, the more out of control the child is, the more we need to teach the child reasonable expression methods.
There was a father who had a textbook approach to dealing with his crying daughter.
He first accepted his daughter’s emotions, and then guided her to release them reasonably and know how to protect herself.
He said to his daughter: You can be angry, you have to realize it and accept it, and then you can get better.
When a child loses control of his emotions, it is easy for him to be in a vague and uncomfortable state.
Parents need to help their children recognize their own emotions, feel them, and eventually learn to control them.
3. After calming down, guide the child to solve the problem independently.
The most important step in controlling emotions is to distinguish the difference between emotions and behaviors.
In other words, the child’s own emotions are not wrong, but not all behaviors can be accepted.
Therefore, when the child calms down, we need to guide the child to solve the problem instead of blaming the child for his feelings.
For example, the child who rolls on the floor because he wants to buy a toy, what is wrong with his own desire?
However, he needs to understand that not all wishes can be fulfilled.
Then, we can guide children to think:
“I know you like it very much, but buying toys is not part of our plan. Maybe we can put it on the birthday?”
Accepting your child’s feelings will itself bring comfort to your child.
Serious communication and resolution with children is the key to guiding children out of emotional traps.
Psychologist Daniel Goleman once said: “Family life is the first school where we learn our emotions.”
In the eyes of parents, children will show all their emotions for the first time: positive, happy, negative, angry…
Every emotion is a different language in the child’s heart.
As a parent, please understand the pain of your child’s bad feelings and respond to your child’s emotions seriously.
Because the worse they are in a bad mood, the more they need guidance and love.
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