No matter how much you love your child, you must let him endure these three kinds of suffering
There are no shortcuts on the road to growth. Parents will eventually withdraw from their children’s lives. The sweetness gained without suffering will one day be returned.
I read a piece of news: A mother worked hard to raise her son, and his son found a job soon after graduating from college.
However, he often resigned after working for less than a month. He always complained that the workload was heavy. He had to get up early in the morning and work overtime at night. It was too hard, too tiring, and he couldn’t bear it.
For two years, my son has been idle at home with peace of mind, either playing games online or using his mother’s small salary to spend time in the society.
Regarding his mother’s accusation, he plausibly said: “If you can’t support me for the rest of your life, why have you been so pampered to me since you were a child?”
Such an answer makes many parents think deeply.
It can be said that it is the wish of many parents not to let their children endure hardship.
We have many families. The parents work hard and accumulate considerable wealth. They hope that their children will not have to suffer the same hardships that they have suffered, and they do not want their children to be as tired as themselves.
I have heard many parents say: “We only have one child in our family, and six people are in pain. It hurts so much. How can we let our child endure hardship?”
So we often see many parents:
Even if you live frugally, you should also give your children the best material enjoyment;
Handle all matters for children, reluctant to let children help;
Try your best to satisfy your children’s wishes, and cannot bear to see your children sad, disappointed, or wronged…
However, where is there a life that does not require hardship?
In the child’s childhood, even if the parents can give him meticulous care.
But one day, he needs to face the storms of life alone and deal with various difficulties and challenges.
It is difficult for children who have never endured hardship to have such qualities as calmness, perseverance, and patience. They usually lack independence and sense of responsibility; they are psychologically fragile and cannot withstand setbacks; they have poor self-control and cannot persist.
Parents who over-protect, care for, and solve all kinds of troubles for their children may seem to be doing good to their children, but they are actually putting the cart before the horse.
When children need to face real life independently, they will be at a loss and find it difficult to adapt.
Parents with foresight should be willing to let their children endure some hardships. Only those who have the ability to endure hardships are truly responsible for their future lives.
Enduring hardship is not the end in itself. By experiencing some “suffering”, the child’s mind, way of thinking, and character will become more mature.
These inner qualities and characteristics can further contribute to his life development.
Today’s children no longer need or need to suffer from the material scarcity of the previous generation, but parents must be willing to let their children suffer from the following three kinds of “suffering”.
The “suffering” of independence and self-care.
Some parents are reluctant to let their children be exposed to the sun, being tired, bumped, or injured, and do not give their children a chance to do things.
Children are accustomed to a life of comfort, of reaching out for clothes, opening their mouths for food, and getting whatever they ask for. When the environment is not so satisfactory, they will become unbearable and feel angry and frustrated.
Encourage children to do their own things from an early age and give them more opportunities to work and do housework. If the child masters basic life skills and can take care of himself independently, he will be able to take good care of himself no matter what time in his life.
In the experience of hands-on work, children will also know how to cherish and be grateful, and become more positive and optimistic when encountering difficulties.
The “hardship” of learning and self-discipline.
In the education circle, “happy education” was once very popular, allowing children to release their nature and grow up freely, easily and happily.
So some children study when they want to learn and play when they don’t want to learn;
Sign up for a hobby class, it will be popular for three minutes. If you don’t want to take it in the first few days, you will just give up.
However, most children from ordinary families who grew up under a “happy education” with low requirements and no pressure are happy, but they also lose their competitiveness among children of the same age:
Only likes relaxing entertainment activities, has no interest in activities that require long-term concentration, thinking and learning, and is unable to do so;
It’s hard to stick to some interests and hobbies, and you want to give up when you encounter difficulties.
Many people regret when they grow up that they did not listen to their parents and master a skill in childhood, such as painting, dancing, piano, etc.;
There are also some people who blame their parents for not being sensible when they were young, but why don’t they force themselves to persevere.
Any process of learning and progress is bound to be difficult and laborious, and requires a boring and torturous transition period.
But it is in this process that a person’s concentration can be improved, his willpower can be tempered, and good habits can be developed.
Children are young and do not understand these principles. Parents cannot expect them to be conscious.
In the beginning, parents still need wise guidance to accompany them to develop good study habits, cultivate self-management skills, calm down and persevere, and delve deeper into learning or hobbies.
Only by being able to withstand the pain of learning and self-discipline can a child’s abilities become stronger and stronger, and his inner qualities can be tempered, which will have a profound impact on his future.
Of course, in this process, parents cannot force their children to violate the laws of physical and mental development. Instead, they should help their children develop good study habits and interests when they are young;
When he wants to be lazy or give up, find a way to accompany him through the period of burnout and difficulty.
The “suffering” of frustration and failure.
Many parents cannot bear to see their children being wronged, suffering, or feeling sad, and they always want their children to be in a state of comfort and satisfaction.
When playing games, deliberately losing to children;
When a child has a conflict with a classmate, the parent goes to the child’s classmate to argue;
The child’s needs should not be met. If the child acts coquettishly or cries, he can’t help but satisfy him…
Children who are particularly well cared for have never experienced any setbacks or bear the consequences of their actions. Their mental toughness will be much worse, they will be unable to handle things, are easily defeated by setbacks, like to rely on others, and lack a sense of responsibility.
Only when children experience some setbacks and truly experience emotions such as sadness, disappointment, anger, and frustration can they truly grow up and recognize the truth of life.
In the process of children growing up, there is actually no shortage of setbacks: not getting what they want, failing in exams, being ignored by friends, trying hard to do something but not succeeding…
What parents should do is not to deliberately create setbacks, but to guide their children correctly when they face setbacks and failures.
Rather than helping them solve their troubles, we are willing to let the children experience the feeling of frustration, help them view frustrations positively, learn to channel their emotions, cheer up in frustrations, and use their brains to think of solutions to problems.
In addition, encourage children to try and explore more, and allow children to make mistakes. The more experiences they have, the more lessons they will gain and their hearts will become stronger.
I remember Turgenev once said:
“Do you want to be a happy person? I hope you learn to bear hardships first.”
Let your children suffer some hardships in their early years, and they will get exercise. When they grow up, they will have more control and choice in life, and they will have more freedom in life.
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