Till Death Us Do Part — a Parent’s Love Letter
Parenting is a little like standing at the edge of the Grand Canyon.
The first time you visit this natural wonder of the world, you realize nothing actually prepared you for this moment.
No matter how you have researched — read books, stared at photos on calendars, watched GoPro footage or talked to people who had been there — nothing — NOTHING — prepares you for that first sharp intake of breath. The intensity of emotion as you watch the majesty unfold in front of you. The natural cathedrals and canyons, the complexity of layers and colours, the play of light, the sheer immensity.
Parenting is like that
Nothing prepares you for the actual intensity of emotions. Like the moment you hold your new baby in your arms, and your world shifts on its axis, your relationship with time changes and you realize that this commitment — THIS commitment — truly will be ‘til death us do part’.
But as much as parenting fills you with awe, it can claw at your heart too.
Parting is such sorrow
A few weeks ago I put my son on a plane for a semester in SE Asia. And my heart broke.
Don’t get me wrong. I was prepared — I thought. After all, it is only a few months. I had spoken to other parents and read blogs. My brain was ready for this — proud of the young independent man we have raised, pleased that his grades grant him this privilege, honoured that his curiosity makes him anxious to explore the greater world, curious to see the knowledge of the cultures he will bring back with him.
Logically, I was prepared. But the heart — well, the heart was just not ready for that kind of separation.
Nothing prepares you for letting go
When I got home I called my parents. And I wept. Because my heart was broken, and I needed my Mother.
And because I had to apologize.
30 years earlier …
Because 30 years ago, almost to the day, I had hugged my parents goodbye in a different airport. Filled with excitement and adventure, I boarded a plane for a different continent. That ‘short contract’ converted to a full-time position and a new life — and I never again ‘came home’, except as a guest on vacation.
30 years later …
I finally understood the pain they had experienced in letting me go that cold winter day.
And the grace with which they had done it.
And the way that they had modelled the proud and confident mask I, in turn, would have to wear at an airport 30 years later as I hugged my son goodbye.
A re-frame on heartbreak
To my children: Each time you let go of my hand — your first day at kindergarten, first time driving solo, first day at university, at an airport — my heart breaks a little. But I am so proud of each of you and all the growing you keep doing. No matter how far away you may be, you are always close at heart.
Releasing our children into the world
And for all the parents who are getting ready to, or have recently let their children step forward into new lives and new experiences, I know it does not get easier. But I offer something that helped me through that first week:
Dedicated to my parents, for loving me enough to empower me and let me soar.
And to my children.
Hi! I’m Karena and I am a Future of Work strategist. The concept of 21st Century skills is discussed in my upcoming book, Contours of Courageous Parenting — Tilting Towards Better Decisions. Discover simple strategies for decision-making that can help us and our children be a little bit better than yesterday. Sign up for the newsletter on my website to find out when the book will be available on Amazon.
