To the Mom Who Needs to Cry
Let the tears roll.
My 4-year old daughter walked in on one of my crying spells. Like all moms, I get little to no privacy in my home but the waterworks had been long overdue for this mother of two. I went to my room and closed the door while my two little ones were with their grandparents.
I let myself weep quietly.
That’s when she barged in and stopped in her tracks. There she was staring at me with this concerned and confused look on her face.
“Why are you crying, mama?”
Cue the panic and the guilt.
I tried to turn away from her as if that could undo what she was seeing. It didn’t work. I could feel her watching me, waiting for an answer. What do I say? Do I tell her the truth?
The truth is, I am raising my children all while battling with my mental health. I can’t tell her that, can I? What is anxiety or depression to a toddler? What about my conversion disorder? How do I explain any of this?
She’s waiting.
Here’s the thing about 4-year olds. They’re smart. They understand a lot more than what adults give them credit for. Maybe she won’t get all of it but maybe it’s during this moment that she might learn a little something about the importance of mental health and how when she was just four, her mom tried to tell her that sometimes it’s okay to feel your feelings. It’s important to feel things.
“I’m sad,” I finally admit to her.
“Why?”
“I really don’t know, baby, sometimes I just get sad and I need to cry it out.”
I could tell she wanted to ask why again but instead, my little blessing climbed onto the bed with me and started finger combing my hair. “It’s okay, mama.”
Then she leaned her head against mine, announced that cuddle time was over, then exited the room.
That was it. No further questions asked. She didn’t need to hear anything beyond that. She just wanted to make me feel better. It dawned on me then that what the “truth” is to your child is simple. Nothing more needs to be said than “I’m sad and I need to cry”. They’ll get it. After all, they do the same on a daily basis.
To them, it’s normal.
Feeling sad is normal.
Crying when you’re feeling sad is normal.
Do not feel ashamed when you need a moment to let the tears roll. Your children love you unconditionally and know how to show you empathy when you need it most.
It’s also healthy for you! Did you know that researchers have found that crying actually reduces pain and promotes a sense of well-being? You’re a better parent when you take care of yourself first. So, go ahead and cry. Cry if you need to.
It’s okay, mama.
