Unhealthy Parent Child Relationship: A Comprehensive Guide on Parenting
I have closely observed and explored the parent child relationship. I am sorry to say that I found this very weak.
About 800 children study in my school and I have been busy with their education for the last 13 years. During this, I have closely observed and explored the parents-children relationship. I am very sorry to say that I found this relationship very weak.
The weakness of this relationship is having a terrible effect on the child, and on our society also. Children who do not get quality time from their parents in childhood have significantly lower IQ levels than other children. Especially those children who suffer from isolation from their parents and they are not playing their part properly in their upbringing.
Most parents stuck to one parenting style
I have observed that inherited parenting is used by maximum parents to raise their children. This method of inheritance gives no value to the child. It says that the stricter you are with the child, the better the child will be, which is very wrong.
Generally, parenting is divided into four types which are:
- Authoritarian style
- Democratic style
- Ignoring style
- Permissive style
The parents I have seen around me are; either control their children in a very authoritarian manner or they ignore their children entirely. Both these styles spoil the child. Neglected children are spoiled early and under authoritarian control are spoiled later in life. To be a good parent and raise a good child, it is necessary to change and adapt these styles according to time and circumstances.
In my school, approximately eight hundred students are enrolled (from kindergarten to high school). One percent or more (but not 1.5 percent) are those whose objectives are not to study at all. These children (seniors) try to destroy the school environment and even the teachers ignore them due to their continuous misbehaves. Every other day, their complaints are registered in the complaint register. This is not just a problem for these children. When their parents are called, they do not attend the school phone. Even if they get a call from another phone number, they talk with great frustration and do not consider the child as their responsibility.
Punishment never corrects a child
These children have been severely beaten at home (to correct and prevent them from going astray). As a result of this beating, the relationship of respect between children and parents has been deteriorating. Of course, this veil has been lifted by the parents themselves. Because there is no relationship of respect between son and parent. Being beaten is no longer a problem for them or they have grown up and can react in such cases. Thus, they are completely free from their homes. The parents do not want to confront them at all.
The initial activity, parents and teachers must go through
During teachers’ training, teachers are asked to answer the following questions while imagining the class they are teaching right now;
- When you were in this class, what you enjoyed doing?
- Were there any aspects you disliked?
- What drew you to study?
- what were the things that took you away from your studies?
- What kind of atmosphere did you like in the classroom?
- Which teacher did you like most and why?
- Which teacher did you dislike and why?
These are questions that consciousness the teacher that they should give the children an environment that they wanted or intended for their reading. When I was asked these questions for the first time, I felt crazy that I had been teaching for so many years and I did not even know about that.
Parents must be trained by all means
Similarly, when it comes to parenthood, parents must be trained by all means. They should do this kind of activity so they know what kids really want. Parents should sit down and think about what they wanted when they were young, or what age their children are now;
- What kind of behaviour did they expect from their parents?
- What they wanted their parents to bring for them?
- What made them happy and what made them sad?
- What brought them closer to their parents, and what caused them to distance themselves?
- What attitude of parents did they hate?
- Which of your parents’ moments made them feel proud?
Write the answers to these questions on a separate list and find these strengths and weaknesses in yourself. Eliminate all the things you did not like about your parents as a child and try to adopt all the habits you liked.
If you can give the children anything, these are the moments when you feel comfortable with them, your heart is filled with love, and you forget your routine life and lost in them. These are the moments a child dreams of and parents do too. These are the moments from which the parent-child bond begins to form. This is why I urge parents to find moments when they are lost in their children.
