Removing The Mask

I’m so tired of my life, it’s like one big window shopping excursion. I get up every morning and put on my mask, to get through the day. I “arrive” at work with a smile full of energy ready to teach. I’m often told by colleagues about my joyful spirit, how I’m smiling and bringing joy to others. My students always tell me how much they love my class, because I’m fun. But, the moment I walk out the building, get in my car, and the door shuts, I’m instantly overcome with grief and misery. My mind is suddenly filled with every overwhelming situation, I’m currently struggling with. I need more income, my ex-husband left the country and won’t help financially with the kids, I’m single but can’t seem to to even get a date. I feel lost in my life.

It may seem like I’m thee average whiny millennial, but this is the reality for so many people regardless of generation, ethnicity, gender etc. Depression drains every ounce of energy you have. I was in tears telling my mom how I felt cursed. I work hard, I was a faithful and loyal wife, I do everything I can to be a good mom tough, fair, loving and fun! I’m a devout Christian my faith is my guiding light. I have lots to be grateful for but, I want a happy life, that’s fun and exciting. Not just enough to have food, shelter, and clothing. I want love and excitement.

I feel like a gerbil on a wheel, I don’t know where to go or what to do. I know what I want out of life but, I’m in desperate need of a map. I cry out to the Lord but I’m often left feeling, filled with faith but still lost. But, somehow deep in my heart I know GOD has me. I know HE has a plan for me, I just have to get on the HIS road.

I’m can’t let depression sink in, because falling into despair is sure failure. It has been on my spirit to read the whole Bible. And suddenly things the road is becoming clearer. The biggest lesson I’m learning is patience and persistence. I have been battling depression since 7, and I’m 21. And I’ve been to opposite of King Midas, but I’ve always been a quitter. When things start to go wrong “woe is me” starts to set in and, I quit. Those who struggle with depression, we’ve got to put away the streamers and balloons for our pity party. We have to, it’s our only hope. Because if we don’t. we will surely be totally consumed and killed from our sadness. We can do it, don’t give up don’t quit we will win.