Burnt Bread

May 17, 2022

Ever call yourself a dumbass for burning bread?

I knew 425 degrees would be too high. The way I cut the bread thinly to pair with some homemade tomato bisque I was making for a friend who had Covid-19. Goddammit even writing about it triggers that frustration. I should have set the oven at 350 degrees and checked every ten minutes but I didn’t.

Why?

What was the hurry?

It’s bread. It was a… *checks Calendar* Tuesday. Now I’m starting to remember. I was working later shifts at that time and started around 3PM. This was probably at the beginning of my 3P-11P rotation at the Casino and I was still in shock of what to do with the time. A burst of kindness and confusion on time management. The pressure was on both creatively and with time to make everything, drive it to Brentwood and then drive from Brentwood down 51 to work.

Still, burning bread. Dumbass.

Cooking professionally like I did for a decade burned me out. Handshakes and emotional duress. Rehabilitation to cooking meant giving my hands a rest so when I did and do cook it has to be with intent. My intent was to make someone happy. I wanted to make Ben and Meghan happy.

Flavored with Irish butter, balsamic extract, salt and pepper this was meant to be crumbled into the bisque. I should have realized that the butter and balsamic would burn fast and give a more pronounced burned look to the bread. Why can’t I remember what to call that finely sliced bread? Why couldn’t I have taken the time to slow down just a little to get it right?

Cooking is confidence. If I make something that’s “meh” but have a sense of authority and ownership as it’s served then something happens where the recipient is more inclined to tolerate and accept it for what it is: burnt bread paired with a bisque that could take the bite out of that bread.

Later in the day Ben would send me a text thanking me for that meal. It made Meghan’s day better and that the bread did not suck. The bisque and bread were delicious to them.

To this day I still don’t believe him.

I burnt that goddamn bread.