Altering yourself to “get a man”
Blog Everyday May: A study in being the “strong” one
I have always been the best friend or the mom type of girl. I take care of people and make sure they are ok. I love doing this — it’s part of who I am, but sometimes you wonder if anyone will see you outside of this role. If anyone will see you as more than that. There have been times in my life when I have had to pause and think if I was willing to change who so I would seem more appealing to the opposite gender. Looking back, it is scary to think I had gotten to that point. It’s not that I thought myself to be ugly or anything. I liked who I was — I just didn’t know if anyone else would appreciate me in that way.
Side note: I will be using a string of Clueless gifs to illustrate my emotions. Enjoy.
Whenever guys tell me the type of girls they life the list seems to be as follows: they wear makeup, dress pretty feminine, are bubbly, are not so opinionated, and are super sexy. I believe these girls are beautiful creatures, but it’s not an model I fit into. You see, I don’t wear super feminine/tight/sensual clothing because they are uncomfortable. They say beauty is sacrifice, but I don’t really want to be pulling at my clothes all the time or have people looking at my boobs. I don’t like wearing makeup because it takes too long. I’m bubbly, but never aloof. I say what I mean and mean what I say. I have literally seen guys curl inwards when I open my mouth and speak my mind. It is so amusing. You see, I have always had an issue with keeping my mouth shut. I try very hard, but I can’t help it.
The older I get, the more I realize that when you begin to look at yourself through the lens of man’s fantasy — you are placing yourself somewhere unattainable. I cannot fit into that model even if I tried. Just as a man cannot fit into a women’s perfect fantasy if he tried. So where do we go from here? Well I figure that you shouldn’t be a person’s fantasy, but what they need. Unfortunately for me (and others girls like me) most boys like fantasy — so there’s that.
I am writing this post for the girls who never thought that they were attractive because they never fit into any box. Why ? Because that’s been me. As a girl who’s never had a boyfriend it can seem discouraging when your friends are telling you stories of these dudes they’ve been with and all you’ve done is watch Netflix and study. It is also discouraging when guys you’ve liked tell you: “Hey, you’re so amazing — you’ll definitely find someone” or “You’re such a catch — how don’t you have a boyfriend?”. When this happens I can literally hear my heart shattering into multiple pieces. Like can you not make me feel like a total blargh?! (I have no words for my emotions — ‘lowe me)
It is also discouraging when boys you totally aren’t into attempt to holla. Then you must make the crucial decision if you’ll allow yourself to lower your standards in order to accommodate. Then you realize that you can’t and won’t do that because you’d simply never forgive yourself — so you go back to working on your dreams.
REGARDLESS OF ALL THIS I know that if I do me, I’ll be ok. I know this because every time I talk to people who are in long term relationships, they tell me that these things come naturally. They say that there were times they felt the same way. They tell me to keep doing me and improving who you are — it will all work together for your good.
Reader, I have faith that it will all be ok. Not because of me, but in-spite of me. I still have those feelings of intense insecurity, but in those moments I just close my eyes and remember that I am bomb baddie. I remember that I have been created to do amazing things. I remember that it’s going to be ok.
Whisper with me: I am a bomb baddie. I am a bomb baddie. I am a bomb baddie. I am a bomb baddie.
Fun fact: I have been trying to find a new drink at Starbucks that won’t make me poor and I have come to the conclusion that iced coffee is up my alley. It’s a great day.
Until next time,
G.
