Gabrielle’s Puddle Negro Diagnosis

Blog Every Day May: Enter Into My Classroom

If you are shocked by the use of the word negro. Hello, you’re new here. Stop what you’re doing and read this elaborate article on my justification to use this underused word. If you are one the same page as me — let’s continue.

Ok I was watching this Youtube talk show called Group Chat. It consists of a bunch of 20-something dudes pontificating about life and relationships. As I sat watching this, the inside of my soul started to curl. I just couldn’t deal. I felt as if I was in the barber shop with my dad again. With a bunch of grown men using large words and telling grandiose stories, but coming to no solid conclusions. Even then, my face would ball up as I would question how their mouths had even allowed these mangled thoughts to release from their mouth hole. I believe it was then that I began the formulate my diagnosis.

The black barber shop — a place for black men to pontificate while other black men resist the urge to roll their eyes

Another contributor to my discovery of this condition was the movie Love Jones. It is a film that possesses elements I enjoy: black love, poetry, and a dope soundtrack — however, as I watched I realized that none of the poetry or statements the male character in the film was saying made any sense. It all sounded nice, but when you realized that he wasn’t that fine — the truth came out. All you wanted to ask was: WHAT ARE YOU EVEN SAYING MY BROTHA?!

And that moment she realized — this is a puddle negro

A puddle negro is basically a black male who is fake deep. On the surface he sounds and looks like what a reasonable, educated woman is looking for, but as you look deeper he has absolutely no idea what he is talking about. It is a tragic phenomena that is prevalent within this society. Many of these individuals are found on college campuses, barber shops, and house parties. Sadly, many sisters have fallen victim to these men and have gotten into relationships. We pray for their ears — cause they are probably bleeding from foolishness.

Other terms that can be used are unelevated negro, fake deep negro, pedestrian negro, hotep negro, or annoying negro. As with the word nigger, non-black folks need not be adopting this into your vocabulary. Why? Because this is my classroom. Iggy Azaelea said we can’t use the term Becky, why can’t I say y’all can’t say my terms? Lol I joke (but really though).

Until next time,

G.

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