Chapter 2
A Girl Turns 18
You never enjoy the present when it’s there for you at hand. Only the past. You only have the past to enjoy. The future you have to fear and that, that’s why you can’t enjoy the present. You’re afraid of the future and it’s not until it’s all over that you can peacefully enjoy the past because the past won’t change. What’s done is done. All the good that was done you can think about over and over but the bad you can try and forget. Forget it happened or wish with all your might that you could go back. I wish the past was present again. It’s not fair. I should be enjoying NOW but I can’t. When my life is nearly over with only one fear left, I’ll think of my entire past and wish to go back, go back with all the fears put aside and the knowledge already learned. I spend so much of my time thinking of the past that I almost live there.
- a young pillar of salt, age 18
Tegan’s family sings Happy Birthday while she sits in front of a cake with wax number 1 and a wax number 8 lit candles.
“Make a wish!” her grandfather says as Tegan blows out the flames.
“What did you wish for?” her grandpa asks but stops himself. “Oh wait, that would mean the wish won’t come true.”
“It’s ok,” Tegan smiles. “I wished that I would one day work for Disney.”
Tegan loves Disney animation and for as long as her mother could remember she always had a crayon or pencil in her hand. Tegan likes to draw and the movement of drawings fascinates her. She often pauses her mother’s treasured Disney videos to study the movement much to her mother’s chagrin who is convinced all that pausing will “ruin” the tapes.
“Well, Ms. Jan did say to shoot for the top!” Tegan’s mom says.
“Oh, I heard one of the directors told you to marry rich if you wanted to be an artist. Is that right?” says Grandpa.
“Yeah…” Tegan looks down sadly.
“Oh, don’t worry about him!” her mom says. “You’re not going to that school. What does he know?”
“I wouldn’t mind marrying rich,” Tegan’s sister chimes in. Tegan looks at her in disgust.
Tegan’s sister is 6 years younger, just beginning her teen years, but she looks years ahead of her age. In fact, Tegan and her sister could swap ages and no one would be the wiser.
Tegan had begun to feel some disdain for her sister in the past year. Perhaps spurred on by jealousy because her sister was growing into an astonishingly beautiful young woman. She was already prettier than Tegan. She was Tegan’s opposite in practically every way.
Tegan’s sister had taken after their father, looking the spitting image of her fraternal grandmother: dark hair, and tanned skin. Tegan on the other hand was pale as a sheet, had thin eyebrows and her mother’s blonde hair. The blonde hair was the only feature Tegan cherished of hers, giving her a small sense of pride over her sister. Blondes are rarer in the world, after all.
But Kerri’s dark hair and thick dark eyebrows framed her high cheekbones and darling dimpled smile. She was already getting some attention from boys. This disgusted Tegan who had only recently begun crushing for the first time.
Kerri wasn’t ashamed of being shallow. The idea of marrying for money or for looks didn’t bother her one bit. But Tegan, no, Tegan was determined to never be as shallow as that. Because shallow people were lowlifes and Tegan was better than that, better than her sister.
“You shouldn’t marry for money,” Tegan says.
“‘You shouldn’t marry for money.’” her sister mocks. “Whatever.” She rolls her eyes.
“Enough girls,” Tegan’s mom says. “Can’t you two be civil for just one day?”
“She started it!” Kerri protests.
“No, I didn’t! You said you’d marry for money.”
“Yeah, that’s all I said and then you had to get on your high horse.”
“Hey, enough! No one’s marrying for money, ok.” Tegan’s mom takes the cake from in front of Tegan and moves it to the counter where it’ll be easier to cut.
Kerri storms off. “You always side with her,” she mumbles.
“What’s that?”
“Nothing.”
“Don’t tease her,” says Tegan’s father. Tegan frowns at him. It is obvious who he favors. Tegan finds it funny though because originally he didn’t want her.
When Tegan’s mother became pregnant just nine months after the birth of Tegan’s brother, her father was furious. He was happy with two kids to support but a third would put a strain on finances with him as the sole provider. He treated his wife poorly throughout the pregnancy and when it came time to give birth, something was wrong. Three weeks past the due date, it was finally discovered the baby was breech and would have to be delivered cesarean. This defeated Tegan’s mom who had only wanted to experience the thrill of childbirth one more time. When she awoke from surgery and was brought her baby, she thought perhaps she had been switched because this baby was dark but her other two babies had been light and blonde.
As the years passed and it became more apparent Kerri was taking after her fraternal grandmother, Tegan’s father’s tune changed. Tegan had always been the daddy’s girl but now this “unwanted” being was taking her place. In third grade Tegan began pulling away from her father, worrying her mother that perhaps something was happening at school since it was the first year Tegan had a male teacher. But the only injustice Tegan’s teacher ever paid her was putting her name on the board with all the other “bad” kids who always forget their homework when she had forgotten just the once.
Tegan gets up to leave too.
“Don’t you want some cake?” Tegan’s mother asks.
“No, I’m not hungry.” Tegan heads upstairs to her room.
“See what you did?” Tegan’s mother chides her husband.
“What? What did I do? What is wrong with her?”
“I’ll have cake,” Tegan’s brother speaks up. “Nothing’s wrong with me.”
