1/30

Discuss your current relationship.

Tommy said he’d like for me to write more. How sweet is that? He knows it’s something that I love doing and simultaneously something that I have an extremely difficult time allowing myself to do, because there are moments when I get so lost in my thoughts that I end up typing far longer than I’d budgeted. My role as a wife and a mom are seemingly so much more important…but, when you (or I…or Tommy, as he so thoughtfully already has) look at the bigger picture, my emotional balance hinges on the ability to purge the endless flow of internal dialog that runs a continuous loop through my mind. Essentially, I have to defragment every once in a while to continue running at optimal efficiency. And what’s funny about it is, I typically have absolutely no idea what I’m thinking until I read what I’ve written…I only know that I have these incredibly intense emotions in regard to various topics/situations/events/circumstances. My thoughts are jumbled and chaotic…and, to talk about that emotionally charged topic/situation/event/circumstance isn’t always physically possible…but somehow when I put them onto paper (or a blank screen) words form sentences to form paragraphs to form complete thoughts that surprisingly make sense to not only me, but others! And my husband encourages this practice. How kind is that?

So I’ve found this “30 Day Blog Challenge.”

Discuss your current relationship.
I’m just going to assume “romantic” relationship to save time and to keep my smartassery at bay.

I am married to my best friend. How cool is that? When I met him, he was driving a brand new Camaro…and I was a single mom in transitional living. I mean…really…what the fuck was he thinking? A Camaro? hah! But really…within a few months of dating he traded it in for a family-friendly-4-door-sedan. 
The first time he asked me out for coffee, I immediately explained that I wanted to go with him…and I could go with him, but I couldn’t buy our coffee because I “had agreed to very strict budgeting guidelines as part of my living arrangement”…and he was like, “Why would you need to buy the coffee? I asked you out… I’m gonna buy the coffee…”
I was a few weeks clean from a relationship that should’ve never been in the first place, but had blessed me with an amazing blond-haired, blue-eyed adventure of a lifetime. I had baggage. He thought I was “pretty” and “sweet”…and I think he saw my “baggage” as a challenge. And it was. It was a challenge for the both of us.
So much as changed since then…including my feelings for him. There’s this country song that says, “And I thought I loved you then…” I could mix and match all of the lyrics to that song, except those words. Those words are flawless. I thought I loved him years ago…and I did…but it pales in comparison to the love I feel today.
I’ve seen so much growth in this man. I’ve watched him overcome fears. I’ve watched him discover and rediscover talents and hobbies. I’ve watched him shift from hope to faith in areas not only specific to spirituality. I’ve watched him battle between head and heart, and I’ve cheered from the sidelines when heart declares victory.
I’ve felt supported and protected and respected and beautiful and smart and loved…even when I felt unlovable…and unsmart…and unbeautiful… I’ve felt secure even when it seemed like the carpet was being pulled out from beneath us and physics, gravity, and common sense would have us landing on our asses…we’ve somehow always managed to maintain enough balance to not completely eat shit.

I have a decent vocabulary. But I’ve been reflecting and writing on this for a couple of hours now. It’s bizarre that I don’t have more written. I think I’ve come to the conclusion that I truthfully do not have the words to fully discuss my current relationship. I’m used to writing about sadness, depression, anxiety…but lately I haven’t felt those things…and, in the moments when I have, it’s been fleeting. I’m the happiest and most content I’ve ever been. Though all of my happiness shouldn’t be credited to my current relationship, I feel like quite a bit of it should…because whether directly or indirectly, he’s been encouraging me to continue discovering myself, my beliefs, and things that I’m most passionate about and why. At 28 years old, I am just now truly discovering who I am at my core…and I am so grateful I have this guy to explore with, both inward and out.

It’s ridiculously terrific. He is ridiculously terrific. He is ridiculous and terrific at the same time. He drives me nuts…he makes me crazy…he is everything I’m not in so many ways, and it’s the perfect blend of extrovert to my introvertness.

I’m just so glad he was up for the challenge.

Celebrating this old man turing 30 while I get to stay in my 20’s by hiking at Ha Ha Tonka. Turns out we both love a good challenge.