Honoring Lee Sun-Kyun: A Gentle Reminder that We All Need a Little Grace
I received some shocking news yesterday that really broke my heart. Korean actor Lee Sun-Kyung was found dead in his car on December 27 of an apparent suicide.
I had recently been thinking about doing a review of My Mister (나의 아저씨) because it’s probably been my favorite Korean drama that I’ve seen so far. 이선균씨 was so good in it.
So to hear that he had died really shook me and I wanted to write something about it. But it has been difficult to find the right words.
I don’t want to add to the pain of his family and friends. I don’t want to tarnish his memory in any way.
But there are things that I think need to be discussed. Things that I really want to talk about. So I will do my best to find the words.
I don’t know all of the details of, nor do I want to discuss in too much depth, the recent situation that he had been facing. Needless to say it had been a very stressful time for him.
So much so that he took his own life.
I have talked in earlier posts about how I really like the conservative attitudes in Korea and how the celebrities try to present themselves with dignity and honor. Like a light post, celebrities have much influence on the world (We all do, really). And I like the idea that people strive to live to a high moral standard. That they feel a responsibility to their fellow human beings to live with integrity and propriety.
That mindset has mostly slipped away in the West, and I like that there is still a place where honor matters.
But it can be done in a healthy way, and it can be done in an unhealthy way.
And obviously something needs to change.
The Weight of Perfection
Now, before I jump into some of my thoughts on this topic, please know I am only speaking as an outside observer. I do not want it to seem as though I know more than I do. I don’t want to criticize or cast blame on anyone. These are just some things that I have observed, and I am open to correction.
South Korea has one of the highest rates of suicide among developed countries in the world, according to the Organization for Economic Co-operation and Development (OECD), and the highest rate of youth suicide.
There have been several high profile suicides over the recent years, many of whom were K-pop Idols. And just this year there was a massive protest by teachers after one teacher took her own life due to the pressures of the education system in Korea.
This makes me so sad. I know there can be a lot of pressure placed on Korean celebrities, and even Koreans in general. I mean, celebrities everywhere probably have a fair amount of pressure placed on them. But it seems a bit more intense in Korea.
There are unique expectations for Korean celebrities. I recently saw a video of 미주 where she had hit herself in the eye as she was opening her car door, so her eye was swollen. So she went to the hospital and she was trying to get on an elevator, but the elevator was full of people, so she had to hide around the corner because she didn’t want them to see her swollen eye. She wanted to protect her image.
Perhaps that’s not totally unique to Korean celebrities, but I know that K-pop Idols go through training for years before they debut. They are taught how to be celebrities. How to create an image and how to protect that image. How to act with propriety and dignity. Their companies often have a lot of rules and restrictions for their Idols. Some even prohibit them from dating.
Celebrities are always in the public eye, and the whole country is so connected through social media that everyone knows everything all the time. They love their celebrities. But people can also be really brutal with those they dislike, or with those who they feel have acted dishonorably.
That is true in other places, but it seems to be especially true in Korea. I’m not entirely sure why.
Korean celebrities have a really humble and down-to-earth image usually, and they stay really connected with, and grateful for, their fans.
It’s really charming and I really like that aspect of the culture.
But could it cause a lot of pressure for them to feel like they must always be perfect? Of course.
I hope that Korean celebrities will be given more grace and patience. That they will be able to feel like it’s okay for them to not be perfect all the time. That can be so isolating and such a heavy weight to carry.
People, Not Machines
Korean actress 김수현, known as Claudia Kim, posted this to her Instagram account after learning of 이선균씨’s death:
“So shocked and heartbroken to hear the news. Everyone deserves to be forgiven for their mistakes. Everyone deserves a second chance. What a loss of great talent it is for the Korean entertainment industry.. Sending prayers to his family and close friends.. Rest in Peace.”
It reminded me of a scene from My Mister, where 이선균씨, as 박동훈, defends IU’s character, 이지안.
“I don’t get why Ms. Lee Ji-An has to go through another trial for that case here. The law even prevents us from viewing this kind of record so that she won’t have to go through something like this.
So why are you going against the law to dig up her painful past?
As much as we all want to forget our pasts, we need to forget about other people’s pasts as well. Don’t you think so?”
Her accuser, and one of his main antagonists, then yells, “this is a workplace!”
To which 박동훈 replies:
“Do machines work at a company? No, people do!”
It’s a fitting message here today.
Do machines live on this earth? Do machines act in films? Do machines have families and friends? Do machines inspire people and lift their spirits with their talents?
No, people do.
이선균씨 was a person. Still is. Not a machine. Not perfect. Not flawless.
Just like you.
And me.
As much as we all want to forget our past mistakes, or our imperfections and our flaws, we need to do the same for others.
I need to say here that I don’t want to imply that he had done anything wrong. I really don’t know. I know he had been accused of something, but in America we have this concept called Innocent Until Proven Guilty. It means that even if someone is accused of something, they must be proven to be guilty before they should be punished in any way.
He was not punished legally, but he certainly was punished socially. He certainly carried a great weight on his shoulders and a heavy burden on his heart because of this ordeal.
Let me also add one more aside to say that I am not trying to blame anyone in particular here. I don’t know all of the details. I think there were media outlets who had reported on the incident and that could be a major source of the trouble. But I’m not sure. I’m just offering some thoughts.
The Impact of Lee Sun-Kyun
In My Mister, 이선균씨의 character is wronged in a pretty big way. He is betrayed by someone close to him, and he finds out about it without that person’s knowledge. But instead of confronting them or making it public, he wants to leave it alone and just try to go about his life without losing his dignity.
There are a lot of reasons why that is unhealthy, but it made me think that perhaps I could be respectful of him as a person by not contributing to the speculation that is going on in the public right now.
Perhaps I could just offer some words of appreciation and admiration to the man who touched many hearts, including my own, with his excellent acting talent and his beautiful, iconic voice.
He had a soothing presence on camera. Calm. Thoughtful. And his voice was comforting.
I have only seen him in My Mister, but I loved that drama. It was beautiful. It was complex and real. The story was well written. But I thought that 이선균씨 gave such a brilliant performance that it brought the story to life. He found a way to walk a very fine line with that character of caring deeply for someone without ever crossing the line and slipping into impropriety. He was a modern-day gentleman, full of dignity and honor.
It’s a story about human connection. About love. But not necessarily romantic love. About a true and unselfish kind of love that one person can have for another without wanting anything in return.
It’s really beautiful.
I don’t know 이선균씨 personally, but I’d like to think he shared some of these traits in real life, too. They say that an actor can’t help but share a piece of themselves with every role they play. And perhaps he had much in common with the admirable 박동훈.
A Call For Grace
I know that many people in Korea are Christians. I am too.
In Christianity, of course it is important to live good and moral lives. That is an important part of this life. God asks us to do that.
But sometimes we forget what’s at the heart of Christianity:
Grace.
Mercy.
Compassion.
It was mercy, born of compassion, that motivated God to send His Son to save us all.
For God so loved the world that He gave His Only Begotten Son, that whosoever believeth in Him should not perish, but have everlasting life. -John 3:16
And He didn’t wait until we were perfect to do it. He didn’t wait until we deserved it.
But God commendeth his love toward us, in that, while we were yet sinners, Christ died for us. -Romans 5:8
While we were still sinners. That’s when God felt compassion for us and wanted to save us. That’s when He wanted to show us mercy. When we were at our worst. When we didn’t deserve it. When we had made mistakes. Sometimes big mistakes.
He still loved us. And wanted to ease our burden.
My hope is that we will do the same for others. That while they are still sinners, or apparent sinners, we will want to save them. To help them. To lift their burden instead of adding to it.
I am reminded of a Bible story.
In John Chapter 8 we read about a woman that was caught in the act of adultery. The Pharisees bring her to Jesus and throw her at his feet, questioning Him, “Moses in the law commanded us, that such should be stoned: but what sayest thou?”
What did Jesus do? He said, “he that is without sin among you, let him first cast a stone at her.”
They were convicted in their own sins and left one by one.
And when they had gone, Jesus said to the woman, “where are those thine accusers? hath no man condemned thee?”
And she answered, “no man, Lord.”
And He then said these iconic and hope-filled words:
“Neither do I condemn thee: go, and sin no more.”
Should we not also have such mercy and compassion upon those of our brothers and sisters who walk with us in this journey of life?
We are not machines.
We are people.
Just like 이선균씨.
우리는 모두 사람이다
One of my favorite concepts from Korean culture is the concept of 정, which basically means we are all connected. We are all the same. There is a spiritual thread that ties us together.
So let us give each other a little more grace.
Heaven knows we all need it.
Rest in peace, 이선균씨.
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