The Rollercoaster of Half-Marathon Training
Today, I woke up around 7 (actually, I woke up around 6 am and had to pee like the dickens but I was afraid of a giant spider in the bathroom so stayed in bed as long as possible) and got up at 7:40 to go meet a couple friends for a 3 mile jog.
I was hot and tired and slow. Everything felt heavy: my legs, the air.
I got really frustrated about being slower than them and slower than my average pace — it felt like all my training was for nothing.
It’s so much more frustrating to be behind people when working out rather than alongside them — it made me doubly appreciate Natalie and running together always instead of me straggling behind.
It reminded me, in the worst way, of crew and how I’d always lag behind the team in cardio workouts. I’d struggle to PR with times far slower than my teammates, and I’d hold back anger and tears after most practices and tests.
Technique and power are my strengths, but not endurance or cardio. So even when I’ve been training and making progress on my own, I’m never caught up with people who have natural athletic abilities. I’m basically only better than people who aren’t doing it at all — a low bar for a high achiever.
During today’s run, my head was full of negativity and frustration and depression — a cycle of terrible self-talk and disheartened feelings.
Yet again, I was ol’ back of the pack Conaway.
After our run, I threw a brief temper tantrum —wiping away tears mixed with sweat while spitting venomous comments at my friend about how mad I was to be so slow behind them and so out of shape.
Am I just going to stay fat and slow?! I signed up for this half-marathon because I’m so sick of this!
Today, I felt like it hasn’t made a difference that I’ve been working hard and pretty dedicated to my training schedule.
Some days, I look in the mirror and see progress, but others I don’t and feel that familiar hatred for the white fleshy parts of me that refuse to slim down in to an aesthetically appealing, athletic shape again.
Is this 30? Is this just me?
Obviously, that’s not all objectively true.
I have run further and longer than I ever have in my life. And even in college crew, we still never did constant cardio workouts without a break longer than 60 minutes — and my last few long runs have surpassed that.
The vast majority of my training has been positive.
I have seen myself make progress. I have refocused my time and lifestyle around a healthy habit and a training goal. I have enjoyed tremendously working out with someone else, truly being side-by-side with someone while pushing our bodies through something hard.
I’ve felt more proud of myself for the physical accomplishment of finishing my long runs than almost anything else I’ve done in the past 7 years since I was last a college athlete.
I’ve felt faint thanks to a hard push for the last mile (years of “negative split” training with crew is ingrained in me), and I’ve felt strong and powerful and proud.
I cautioned myself that the transition to Thailand might be rough. I’d gotten used to our route to KLCC and Lake Gardens parks, to meeting Natalie in the lobby and setting off for our runs together. KL was hot and humid, but I knew what to expect of the weather and climate and geography.
Yet even with the knowledge that coming to a new country and slightly different environment would require me to be patient with myself while I adapted, I still tore myself to pieces mentally for not immediately physically adapting. I still compared myself to others and let it ruin my experience and my mentality.
But I’ll do what I did during crew. I’ll get up and go for my runs this week. I’ll practice pushing myself forward with positive self-talk. I’ll practice ignoring the physical alarm bells and mental sabotage.
And in less than four weeks, I’ll show up in Siem Reap and run around Angkor Wat and cross the finish line. And it will be worth it.
Katherine is a digital nomad, working remotely while she travels the world — on the road since June 2014. She’s a member of Remote Year 2 Battuta, living around the world with 75 other digital nomads from February 2016 to January 2017.
Please click the ❤ below to recommend this essay :) Thank you!
Questions + feedback welcome in the comments.
Want more? Sign up for my mailing list, and follow along here on Medium, Facebook, and Instagram.
