An Impasse On The Path Of Life

on making choices

There it is, hiding just around the bend.
The proverbial fork in the road cleaving your destiny in two.
Which road do you pick?
The hardest or the easiest?
The one marked with skulls and crossbones or the one well-worn?
And what if there are no warnings? What if you can’t tell which one leads where? And man you’re really screwed if there are more than two paths.
It is at this impasse on the path of life that I find myself.
No decision is certain or obvious. All are lofty in aim and grand in magnitude. I could just be fooling myself believing I will amount to something, that I will be of value to someone somewhere.

It is so difficult to stifle that voice in my head that rebuffs every thought I have.
“Are you sure?” “Wrong!” “Nope.” “Guess again.”
I can’t tell whether that inner critic is a part of me or was implanted sometime after birth.
Nevertheless I guess I must have to learn with it, all the while wondering if everyone else can hear the same thing too.

In pondering my conundrum I may have arrived at a solution: that there is none. And it doesn’t matter. And no one cares.
The importance of the whole situation is within the making of a decision not the choice itself. The act of choice. The exercise of will and freedom. Perhaps that’s what its all about.
Not which road to take but that we choose one, or better still make our own.
We become the man (or woman) of our choice. A man seldom seen. A woman unlike those who came before.
If we refuse to choose, that too is a choice. A choice to relinquish our strength, our freedom and our creativity. Our life.
Maybe I’ll shut up and stop sweating the details. Choosing something is better than nothing.
And if it fucks up, I’ll choose again.
Maybe it isn’t as hard as I think it is.
I just need to walk and the path shall reveal itself to me.