My Body is Not an Object for You
A woman’s body is not the property of a man or an invitation.
Women have been judged and viewed for their bodies for thousands of years. People throughout history have looked at women and changed the idea of what it means to have a “perfect” body.
Starting as early as the paleolithic era, around 24,000 to 22,000 BCE, an ideal woman was “beyond curvy.” As the years progressed, the ideal body of a woman changed along with it. From Ancient Greece and the early Renaissance era to the Victorian era and the turn of the century, women have tried to change their appearance to get as close as they can to society’s definition of what the “perfect beautiful woman is. They have altered the shape of their body, the makeup that they wear, and how the public sees them. The perfect standard of beauty from women has altered between slim and full-figured figures.
An article on the List website, How Women’s ‘Perfect’ Types Changed Throughout History, ends with the question about what perfect really is. The author, Amber Petty, discusses this answer stating that “The thing to remember is most of the historical standards of beauty were based on a drawing or a painting of a man’s fantasy!”
That is one of the things that always gets to me. Why, as women, should we be so concerned with making sure our bodies are perfect for men? Why should they dictate what we look like?
I can’t necessarily speak for everyone else, but I know that I do not dress for men, and my body does not belong to any man. That is one thing that I truly believe and see in today’s society. There are so many men in this world that do not understand the reality that women’s bodies are not here for their personal gratification.
I was scrolling through my news feed online the other day when I came across an article from 2019 on a publication called P.S. I Love You. It is called Why Do Some Men Feel Entitled To Women’s Bodies? Without reading more than 30 seconds into the article by Mary Wise, the subtitle caught my attention like a deer in headlights.
It reads “You wouldn’t rummage through someone’s drawers without permission, so why do so many men think it’s OK to touch a woman without asking first?”
It is such a valid question that should be thought through in depth. Why do so many men believe that it is OK?
This line of thinking led me to another article on HuffPost entitled A Lesson For Men About The Women They Don’t Own. The title grabbed me right away since I have not read anything beginning with that phrase in my life. In reading through it, the author addressed the entitlement of men and how they see women.
It starts with a sentence of honest reality. “Men don’t always see women as property — but it’s there, implied, and needs to be purged from our culture.”
Gretchen Kelly, the author, continues further in the article saying “We are not your property. You don’t own us. You are not entitled to our bodies or our minds or our emotional labor.” At the end of the article, Kelly continues writing “Help us amplify this message. Help us stop the cycle of entitlement. We are not your bitch, your slut or your problem. We are not your excuse, your reason, your burden. We are not your anything.”
The first time I discovered this article, I remember reading this quote over and over again. It has been one of the most honest and realistic perspectives I’ve seen in months. The issue does not just involve the entitlement men believe they have when it comes to woman’s bodies.
A large part of this necessary change involves support from others, regardless of their gender. The fight for women’s rights to their own bodies needs the support of others in order to have a strong foundation. Women are strong, change will not come if they are not supported by other people who see the issues they face.
There are millions of women around the world that have been put in situations where men have either touched or taken advantage of their bodies without consent. This makes me sick to my stomach. In many parts of the world, women deal with these issues regularly in extreme circumstances, some of these which others, like myself, will never fully know. In some areas, it may even be considered “part of the culture” or normal.
Though I personally will never fully be able to understand what some of these women go through, there are documentaries made to expose these “cultural” practices and how frightening they can be. I recently found a documentary through YouTube that, I believe, shows an example of what some women go through in our world.
VICE News — Bangladeshi Gang Rape
As I watched the video, my heart sank more with each passing second. Gang rape is a huge problem that the communities are dealing with within the region. The local police fail to investigate many of these circumstances. They even go so far as to placing blame on the women who are being harassed and raped.
One of them being local Police Commander, Mohammed Shahjalal Munshi. He spoke wiht Rashid about who the main culprit to blame is in these situations stating, “I would say both, but mostly the girl. If she’s better at covering herself up when I look at her, I won’t be as attracted to her, and then it won’t happen. Nothing should be visible that would attract me.”
Alongside Rashid was Imtiaz Pavel, a man who has been working with these men to teach them about the wrongs of gang rape. Two perpetrators agreed to do an interview anonymously with Rashid. Near the end of their conversation, the one man said, “It’s a bad act and if we do it, then we’ll be criminals in the eyes of everyone. Even to Allah and society, we will remain enemies. So we want mercy from everyone.”
These men want mercy and forgiveness for what they had done. Where is mercy for the women that they are raping?
Why should these men ask for mercy from society when this is abusing and hurting innocent women. Women do not ask to be raped, and their clothes are not an invitation for men to touch them. It does not matter if a woman is walking alone down a road fully covered in clothing or showing a little bit of skin. There is no explanation or right that a man would have to touch a woman simply because she “caught his eye.”
Women are human beings, not property. The anger and heartache in me continued to increase throughout this 20-minute video. Towards the end, Rashid was able to sit down with a rape victim, Rohima, and hear about her own devastating experience.
Rohima said, “I went through a lot of sadness. Sometimes the pain reminds me of it all.” You can just see that pain she feels as she talked through what happened and how she feels. Her physical pain stands out next to her, knowing that some of her rapists are still roaming free from the consequences of their actions.
This is only one of the numerous stories and practices that can be found around the world where men believe that a woman’s body is theirs to do with what they please. It is heart-wrenching to think that men have this superiority complex over women that they can have anything and anyone they desire.
Not every girl in the world goes through these types of large-scale situations. However, many women still experience times where men think that they have the right to touch a woman’s body. Along with my personal experiences, I also have people close in my life that has openly discussed these inappropriate times that made them upset.
My best friend and I have known one another for over 10 years now. In our early years of high school, we started to open up about these types of situations that began happening more and more often. Sadly, the number of times men think they can just touch our bodies without our permission has increased since then. She recently shared with me about a time where she personally felt violated by a man who thought that he was able to touch her simply because they were having a conversation.
She shared her story saying “I was at a party once and I had a guy come up to and start talking to me. He proceeded to put his hand on my leg without my permission and move up every minute. I felt disgusted and like I couldn’t breathe. I didn’t dare say anything though out of fear of being ‘that girl.’ That girl that everyone says overreacts or that apparently is just doing this for attention. I couldn’t help thinking maybe it was my fault. I mean I was wearing shorts that were kind of short. I think society looks past these issues because in their eyes we are just overreacting. It’s become so normalized it’s sickening. It makes women think twice before they leave the house because they wonder “will this make me get commented on or even touched inappropriately.” It’s disgusting that these things even occur. I hope and I pray to see some kind of change because I’m tired of being afraid. I’m tired of having to be careful wearing certain types of clothing and I’m even more tired of being silenced and told to just grow up.”
These types of experiences most likely happen more than a person would think. I could not have agreed with her more on how disgusting this makes me feel and how I’m also just fed up with all of it.
I am sick of constantly questioning why a man would feel like he has this ultimate pass to grab and touch a woman as if she were another item of clothing he wore. I’m sick of wondering and worrying if I am going to be touched inappropriately out in public because of what I am wearing or where I am. No woman or person should be scared to walk outside of their home because they fear a man touching them wrong.
Why do men feel like they have this right? Where did this concept come from? Why are women still constantly fighting this battle so they can live their lives freely? This is a ridiculous part of reality that people and men still do not understand; women are not on this earth for a man’s pleasure, and they are not a piece of property that can be owned. Saying that it’s part of a “regions” culture is a line of crap that people use to justify actions that they know are not right.
I do not know when this cycle is going to stop, but I think it is about time. Neither my body, my clothes, or my gender give any man a reason to touch me without my permission. It is as simple as that.
Luckily, there are companies and organizations that have taken some type of action in helping survivors and bringing this serious issue to light. Two of these include Planned Parenthood talking about what someone should do if they are sexually assaulted, and RAINN focusing on helping sexual assault victims. Their website includes the number for the National Sexual Assault Hotline which is a free 24/7 resource. There are many other companies opening up conversation on this issue, and people who are able to talk if you feel uncomfortable and need to talk. No one who experiences any type of sexual assault should be scared to open up and talk to someone about it.
