Thinking Positive Thoughts Won’t Make Any Difference — Two Reasons Why
Why positive thinking alone is not enough to make you happier and won’t help you make your dreams come true
You’ve been lied to: positive thinking is not going to get you the life you want.
I know it sounds harsh, but let’s not fool ourselves with “you create your own reality” platitudes and get real instead.
Life is a bit more complicated than that, and positive thinking alone won’t make much of a long-lasting difference in the quality of your life.
Here’s why and what will.
You can’t think your way up to the emotional ladder
The first reason why positive thinking alone won’t get you far is in your physiology.
When your nervous system is dysregulated, thinking positive thoughts and hoping to feel better simply isn’t possible.
When you are spiraling down in thoughts of despair, sadness, anger, etc. it’s not realistic to think that you’ll be able to jump up the emotional ladder and start feeling good all of a sudden just because you thought your way back to happiness and hope. It just doesn’t work like that.
Negative thinking often stems from a dysregulated nervous system. If you want to be effective in your attempts to feel better, you need to regulate first.
Grounding, breathwork, chanting, gently holding your body as you rock from side to side, and havening are all effective techniques to bring your body back to a relaxed and receptive state.
That’s when positive thoughts can be received and be effective in allowing us to choose a powerful reframe, or solve our problem.
The other reason why positive thinking alone won’t be of much help is that trying to push away (or shovel down) the negative stuff will rob you of a precious opportunity:
Negative thoughts offer a window inside the depths of your mind for you to see what needs your attention, release anything that is holding you back, and adopt an empowering approach to living your life that promotes forward movement and helps you reach your goals.
Let’s look at why there’s something about negative thoughts that deserves our attention.
The power of negative emotions
Pushing away our negative thoughts is a way to avoid experiencing negative emotions. But what if negative emotions were meant to be felt, instead of rejected?
Your triggers are gold mines
There’s always a reason why something upsets you, makes you angry or sad. Every trigger is an opportunity for us to give attention to a part of us that needs it.
Let’s say you’re building your online business, and scrolling through your social media you see something that triggers your need for comparison.
You get upset and blame yourself for not being as good of a writer as this other person is, not as beautiful, well-spoken, photogenic, successful — whatever.
You start spiraling down in negative self-talk until you remember:
Wait, I’m not supposed to think any negative thoughts!
You then try to distract yourself or reframe the situation by speaking words of encouragement to yourself.
Although speaking words of encouragement is indeed a great approach, you would be missing a precious chance to understand what’s really going for you when you feel inferior to someone.
“Why does seeing their success trigger this reaction in me?” would be a powerful question to ask yourself in that scenario. Incredible breakthroughs happen when we get curious about our reactions and check in with ourselves with an empathetic and non-judgmental approach.
“What are my needs right now and how can I meet them in a more elevated way?” is another powerful question to follow up with.
In the scenario I used as an example, you might need reassurance that you too can achieve your goals. Maybe you need to feel capable and confident.
Or maybe you simply need to know that what this other person has, is possible for you too, and you can then draw a plan of action or start doing some research to start your own journey to that destination.
*Now* you can throw in some encouraging positive thoughts.
This is growth, self-improvement, and healing at its finest.
And it’s also how you remove the emotional blockages that prevent you from living the life you dream of.
Revealing negative thinking patterns can bring life-changing transformation
Whatever you believe to be true about yourself and the world will manifest into your life without any conscious effort from your end.
This is true for the positive (yay!) and for the negative (ouch).
An obvious example: you will never be successful if you think you’re not worthy of success.
You will never reach your desired outcome unless you align with it at a subconscious level
Your negative thinking patterns offer you a window to peek inside your subconscious mind and see what limiting narrative you’re carrying along with you.
This is one way in which you can start to uncover your limiting beliefs.
Again, thinking empowering thoughts that counteract the negative ones is very powerful when it’s done repeatedly and with intention.
But it becomes much more effective when we take the chance we’re presented with to consciously become aware of any past programming that no longer serves us.
This involves asking yourself questions like:
What must I believe for this thought to consistently show up?
What must I believe for this to make me feel this way?
Very often, simply bringing a limiting narrative to the surface is enough for us to detach from it, understand that it’s the result of past conditioning, and release it for good.
This is when you can spontaneously and effortlessly replace it with a better story that resonates more with you, serves your goals, and aligns with your Values and Vision.
Thinking positive thoughts alone won’t make your life any better.
Regulating your nervous system, de-conditioning yourself, and re-writing your narrative to one that serves you is what will.
Next time you are tempted to distract yourself from negative thoughts by thinking positive ones, do some inner work first:
- Honor your feelings. Feel them and let them express themselves fully.
Get curious about the message each trigger carries and use it as an opportunity to heal. - Notice if your negative thinking patterns are signaling the presence of a limiting belief.
Get curious about it and uncover it so you can let go of it and replace it with a new one that serves you.
This way, positive thoughts won’t b just a weapon to fight against the bad ones but will naturally become your prevalent way of thinking.
